▶ Your Answer :
Some people might argue that people->young adults are the most influenced by their family because family members are the ones that people have->with whom they come to have relationship as soon as they are borned. 토픽과 연결되게 써 주어야 합니다. However, I believe that one's friends are the most important influetial to young adults because of peer pressure and considerably much time they spend together.
서론이 이런 식으로 가는 것은 맞습니다만 자신이 가진 의견과 반대인 의견에 대해서도 주제에 포커스를 맞추는 것이 필요합니다.
For one thing, teenagers are affected by their friends because they feel peer pressure. To be specific, as teenagers wants to get along with their friends, they do not want to be in contrary position with their friends. As a result, they just follow what their friends like and ask them what actions would be better. For example, when I was a middle school student, I was close with friends who were interested in dancing. My parents did not like me dancing->that I dance and go around with them because they thought it hinders me from concentrating on my study. Once, my mother threw away all my shoes and clothes for dance, thinking I would get her message if she does so.->that by doing so, I would come to stop dancing. However, I bought all of them->ones again at the very next day with money I made by doing a part time job.??: 용돈으로.. 어때요? with my allowance.That was because if I do not dance with my friends, I thought, I could be an outsider, not having friends to get along with. My personal experience clearly shows how peer pressure is stronger than parents' pressure. 대체로 잘 썼네요. 프루프 리딩 좀 더 잘 해 주시고..
Second, young adults are under influence of their friends because they spend more time with their friends than their families. This is because students stay at school more than almost all day long at school with their classmates and other friends-> stay their school or other institutes for about over half of a day with their classmates and other friends. . They study from morning to evening together and eat lunch and have dinner togather. In contrast, studnets see their family only in the morning and night, when->after all the family members are back from their workplaces and schools. It is not rather awkward for young adults to be much more affected by my friends who spend that much time togather.-> ,when we consider an eternal truth that the more time we are with someone for,the more we turn to resemble the one. To illustrate this point, a research from Korean Teenager Phycological Development Research center has shown that more than 80 percent of students answered their friends mostly affect their way to think and act, and an expert related to this study mentioned that this is mainly because of the large amount of time they stay togather. Thus, becuase young adults spend a wealth of time together, they affect strongly each other.마지막 말을 그냥.. 이런 점에서 친구들이 청소년에게 더 많은 영향을 미친다는 것은 당연하다. 이렇게 써도 상관 없을 거 같아요.. 앞에서 시간 얘기를 하도 많이 해 놔서..
In conclusion, I firmly believe that friends are the biggest influence to students in their teens->have the greatest impact on teeagers, for they want to get along well with their friends and they spend much time together with them. Family members, on the other hand, unfortunately, merely influences people when they are young adults.->그냥 다른 마무리문장 적어주세요. 마지막 말이라도 책임질 수 없는 말 던지는 것은 좋지 않습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. 구성을 잘 알고 있으신 듯한데 프루프리딩을 좀 더 잘 해 주심이 좋을 것 같습니다 도움되셨길 바랍니다.
|