As we mature, our attitudes often change, and we learn to view things differently. Think about an important change in your attitude toward a person, a group of people, or a set of ideas, values, or traditions. Write an essay in which you contrast your earlier attitude with the attitude you hold now. Explain why the change has taken place.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
Many people feel that their many things are change during while they growing up. Of course there are changes which likes of weight or height, but also there are changes of inner part of our mental. Like the most people, I also have grown internally very much. The environment around me has is changed, I have met many new people, and the deepness of my thought has have been profound profoundly, so certainly attitudes have been changed than before. Now I am going to talk about some examples of this changing of attitudes during my growing period growing time.
To begin with, the biggest change is my attitude to my dream. Frankly speaking, it is not so good change, because that the size of my dream my dream’s size has been changed smaller, but there are is also good things about it. When I was a child, almost every adult adults said say ‘Have a big dream, like a doctor, laywer or a professor’. At that time, I did not know anything about dreams or jobs. Also, I just thought the jobs that help me earn much money are the greatest things. However, growing and when I was coming to middle school, I recognized that being like having those jobs are very difficult. Also, I have to study more hard hardely if I want to take those jobs be. By that, Then, my attitude to dream is has changed change. Althogh I forgave forgived that those big dreams and changed my mind, I could think about more deeply about my future, and get a much established thoughts think about my dream. 논제에서 요구하는 내용은 크게 세 가지입니다. ① 살아오면서 바뀐 나의 태도가 무엇인지 ② 이전의 태도와 바뀐 태도가 어떻게 다른지(비교) ③ 왜 그 변화가 생겼는지. 현재의 답안은 어느정도 이 요소들에 대해 답변하고 있지만 명확성이 조금 부족합니다. 꿈에 대한 나의 태도가 바뀌었는데, 이전에는 돈을 많이 버는 직업이 최고라고 생각했던 반면 현재는 꿈에 대해서 어떻게 대하고 있다는 것인지에 대한 내용과 왜 이러한 변화가 생겼는지에 대한 이유를 명확하게 보여줄 필요가 있습니다. 전에 생각했던 직업들은 공부를 많이 해야 하더라, 하는 내용만으로는 전달력이 떨어지지요. 내가 생각을 바꾸게 된 계기를 구체적으로 제시해주시기 바랍니다.
Secondly, when someone hear this, he or she could think this little obiously. 불필요한 사족입니다. 특히 '아닐지도 모르지만' '남들이 별로라고 생각할 수도 있지만' 하는 식의 확신 없는 태도는 내 논지를 약화시키기 때문에 사용하지 않는 편이 좋습니다.. The second big change is the attitude to death. Just a few years ago, I was very afraid of and felt sad about death. I could not understand why people die, and afraid about what happens happen after dying. During that time, many terrors happend and happenedand terrible murderers murderer killed many innocent innocents people. Moreover, the North Korea intimidated us everyday, and all of my friends talked about dying by nuclear explosion. By these terrible accidents, I am not afraid any death anymore, because I noticed notice that not me but also other people can be dead anytime. Furthermore, I can be littlely brave because of those horrible events happening. 사건들을 계기로 생각이 바뀌게 되었다는 내용 자체는 적절하지만 이 부분에서 당시 여러 사건들이 일어난 것이 왜 내 생각을 바꾸게 되었는지에 대한 설명이 더 보완되어야 합니다. 왜 그렇게 변화했는지에 대한 설명 역시 논제에서 요구하는 핵심내용이므로 더 구체적으로 내용을 제시해서 전달력을 높여주세요.
Someone Some say when thinks thoughts are changed change, than then his or her habit and personality are changed change. By that, Finally their life can be changed by small change of thoughts thinks and attitudes. Of course, my changes are not so great greatly or helpful for my life I think. However, when those small changes are piled up, even if it can be small, but it can give some affect for my life.
논제에서 묻는 내용에 대한 답안들이 매끄럽게 연결될 수 있도록 내용 전개를 더 다듬어주세요. 현재로서는 왜 그러한 변화가 있었는지에 대한 설명이 빈약한 편입니다. 구체적으로 내용을 보완한다면 충분히 fair level대 점수는 가능할 것 같습니다. 주로 기출문제는 statement를 제시하고 agree/disagree를 묻는 유형이 많이 출제되니 A/D유형 문제로 연습하는 것이 좋습니다. 문법 실수가 많이 보입니다. 기본적인 수일치나 태, 주어-술어가 제대로 활용되고 있는지 유의해서 문장을 구성해주세요. 코멘트 참고하셔서 improve해주시기 바랍니다. 수고 많으셨습니다^^ 화이팅!
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Good (24–30)
Fair (17–23)
Limited (1–16)