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■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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▶ Topic :
Television advertising directed toward children under the age of five should not be allowed.
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▶ Your Answer :
An intriguing topic of discussion at hand is whether television advertising directed toward children under the age of five should not be allowed or not. (whether의 특성상 쟁점이 부정문이 되면 안됩니다. 부정부사인 not을 추가하려면 긍정문 뒤에 or not을 붙이는게 자연스러운 표현방법입니다.) The answer to this question can vary greatly depending on the individuals. Thus, the jury may still be out, but as far as I am concerned, I disagree with the statement. In this essay I will am (will과 같은 표현은 am going to 입니다.) going to present two reasons supporting my standpoint as follows.
To begin with, the contents that (접속사 없이 동사가 3개가 연달아 나왔기에 조금 더 알아보기 쉽게 추가했습니다.) TV comprises are in fact very informative for the children. To be specific, TV is a compact source of information of for certain topics. Hence, by watching TV programs children may learn many resources readily in a short period of time. Let me take my sister’s case for instance. my My (이곳은 문장을 나눌 최적의 타이밍입니다. 예시를 낸다고 할땐 그곳에서 문장을 딱 끊는것이 에세이 흐름에 더 좋습니다.) mother was concerned about my sister’s education for her future. Accordingly, my mom searched about a simple method for early education. In the end, she found out that TV would be the most appropriate manner for my sister since the TV programs contend contain (contend는 말싸움하다, 논쟁하다 라는 뜻입니다.) wide range of subjects and are summarized enough that my sister could understand easily. In addition, the result was successful, and (success는 성공 이라는 명사입니다. successful이라는 형용사를 쓰시는게 맞습니다. 그리고 문장을 이으실때 접속사를 꼭 붙이셔야 자연스럽게 연결됩니다.) my sister actually concentrated in on (concentrate on은 숙어입니다. concentrate뒤엔 꼭 on을 붙이세요.) the TV program so (so + 형용사/부사 + that + ~ 또다른 숙어입니다. 매우 ○○하여 ○○하다. 라는 뜻입니다.) deeply that she could hear nothing but the sounds coming out from the screen. In this reason, it is apparent that TV is a positive source for the children.
Moreover, TV contents are highly entertaining enough for the children. In other words, children may engage in something for a long time without any interruptions. Thus, parents may take advantage of TV to silence their children. According to the result of the study taken by Dr. Kim at the (유일명사 앞에는 the가 붙지 않습니다.) University of Seoul, more than 60% of the parents are making constant use of TV when taking care of their children. This is because, the contents that in TV contains (contents는 이미 contain의 의미를 지니고 있습니다.) fit in well with the children’s taste and it is a (one과 a는 공존하지 않습니다.) one of the best bets to comfort children. In With this reason, it is evident that TV virtually helps both the children and the parents effectively in a daily life rather than harming them.
In conclusion, I strongly argue for my stand point standpoint (standpoint는 한 단어입니다.) on account of with the two reasons mentioned above. Once again, although the verdict may still be out, I personally believe that two of my rationales above are sufficiently convincing enough to represent the viewpoints of a majority of people who are in favor of my claim.
예상 점수도 부탁드려요 ㅎㅎ 수고 부탁드립니다 ㅎ | |
안녕하세요! 에세이 잘 읽었습니다 ^^
첨삭이 밀리는 바람에 시험전에 첨삭을 못해드린점 매우 죄송하게 생각합니다 ㅠㅠ 시험은 잘 보셨길 바래요!
글쓴 분께서 토플 공부를 위해 많은 노력을 한것이 보이는 에세이었습니다 ^^
구조는 매우 훌륭합니다! 서론과 본론, 결론을 쓰시는 방법을 잘 아시는것 같아요~
하지만 조금 덜렁대셨는지 문법상 실수가 좀 있으셨어요 ㅠㅠ
문법 오류는 본문에 제가 설명드렸으니 체크해보세요 ^^
수고하셨습니다~
화이팅하세요!