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There are many factors that influence on a the (influence가 동사로 쓰일땐 on이 따로 붙지 않습니다.) success of our lives including such as family , religion, education and so on. Many people believe that they have an important role in our their (주어가 people이므로 their가 맞는 표현입니다.) lives . However, I firmly believe that getting a diploma or degree of from a (학교로부터 학위를 받는것이기에 from이 맞습니다.) university can gurantee the success in our lives. For one thing, many universities give a professional education to students in order to get promoted in the future. In addition, the university education can provide a wide range of human relationship for students.
To begin with, only universities have sophiscated sophisticated (sophiscate이 아닌 sophisticate 입니다.) professional curriculums for students . In other words, to become a successful professionals , it is necessary to get an education from universities. For instance, many students go to universities to get their jobs in the future .Even though they cannot become doctors or lawers,schools can offer the opportunity to study enough knowledge enough that they need in verse diverse (verse는 노래나 시의 절입니다.) major fields. Due to that , many Asian people make efforts to enter famous universities. According to the statisitics in Japan and Korea in 2010 , more than 70% of employees have universities' degrees. Without the university education , people had could not have (흐름상 사람들이 새로운 지식을 따라잡지 못한다는 뜻이므로 could를 넣습니다.) caught up with the new knowledge to change rapidly . This meams means (오타 주의하세요) that universitie university (education의 수식역할을 하므로 단수형이 들어가야합니다.) education plays a key role for young people 's success.
On top of that, universities are places where students can meet a variety of people . That is, they can get an opportunity to make numerous friends there besides studying.To demonstrate this, not only many ceos, but also politicians confess that they met their spouses as well as companions in their schools hood.Somtimes, their success in lives rely relies (주어는 success이므로 relies가 되어야합니다) on this relationship because this friendship and affection have a serious impact on their personalities . Also, Moreover, (also로 문장이 시작되는건 좋지 않습니다) if they maintain this good relationship, they can cooperate for a the (same이 들어가면 항상 특정한 명사가 되기때문에 the가 항상 붙습니다) same purpose with each other and develop a great hope . It is very common that Mr. president nominated his intimate friends for a public office or secretaries .Therefore ,universities are aplaces for not only studying but also making relationship for the future.
It is ture that there are famous persons people who succeeded in their lives without going to universities, like Edison and Lincon that did not go to universities could succeed . However, because we live in 21century that change with an expeditious speed , had we not gone to universities , neither we neither could have kept up with this renovational development nor might have met a diversity of friends .Thus I strongly assert that the university education is a key of great successes in lives
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