It is debatable whether when new technological devices become
available, people should buy them right away now. This is an intriguing question because
opinions concerning this issue can be different relying on the individual
perspectives. My opinion, however, I support is that, people should
utilize new technological devices for the following reasons. This is because
first, it increases chance of success, and second, it
makes people's lives much more effective.
First of all, buying and using
technological tools is instrumental because it can give
is albe to gain valuable experience to people and help them to succeed. To be specific,
buying this newly released technological tools
creates opportunities for people to share experience with others people
and breed their technological skills, which as a
result allows people to stay ahead, stay focused, and attain personal growth.
As modern society is increasingly becoming competitive, today's world requires
people with a strong understanding of new technological tools. People can do
this better by consistently making an effort to purchase brand new
technological devices. For instance, according to a study conducted by the
Harvard University, this
revealed that comprehending new
technological tools is very critical. It indicated that 90% of people who are
successful in their daily lives across different areas advised that people can learn an
ability that is necessary in contemporary world
such as technological skills through buying and experiencing new technological tools. Therefore, it is critical to purchase brand new technological tools
in order to live successful life.
In addition, people should buy
new technological tools because it makes our lives much more convenient and
effective. In fact, using technological tools allows people to replace old fashioned tools, which makes people spend less energy, save
extra time, and lead easier lives. In today's world, there is a necessity to
effectively manage their time and energy in order to
live convenient life. and lead convenient
life. For example, a few years
ago, communicating with others through e-mail was
is inefficient. This method was not
considered lively talk. After the invention of
messenger, this makes people it became possible for people
to talk with others on the live. Through this invention,
we can talk with others without phone and multitask. Thus, it is legitimate to say that people have to purchase
newly technological tools in order to save their priceless
time
Writing 0-30 Score Scale
Fair (17-23)
글쓴이의 주장이 명확하고, 논리적인 이유도 좋습니다. 문법적으로도 심하게 문제가 되거나 의미전달이 안돼서 글의 흐름을 방해하는 경우도 없는 것 같아요. 하지만 문장에서 capitalize해야 하는 부분들을 체크해 볼 필요가 있습니다. 적절하지 않은 부분에서 대문자가 있어서 감점의 요인이 될 수 있어요. 또한, 이유를 너무 장황하게 설명하기 보다는, 간단하게 이유를 소개하고, 이 이유가 어떻게 글쓴이의 주장과 연결되고 support할 수 있는지를 서술 하는 게 좋습니다.
수고하셨습니다.