▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether the government should spend their extra money on funding programs to improve the environment or artistic programs. In general, the consensus view seems to be that they should use extra money to support artistic programs. In my opinion, however, I firmly believe that they should their money to invest in the environmental programs for the following two subsequent reasons.
First and foremost, most modern people are suffering from the environmental pollution in particular the part of air. Also, all of the world encourage want to slow the speed of global warming. To be specific, when it comes to air pollution, it is an irrevocable natural resource (natural resource는 air pollution이 아니고 air이므로 구분 해주세요) , which means that the government should invest in the field of programs of improving air condition. In other words, if they do that, their citizens are able to be given a wide range of supports. For example, when I was a university student, my school offered us an individual’s bicycle for free. Since my school was supported by the government, the parking zone of our school was empty. As a result of this, our state got to have fresh air and escaped from yellow-dust and micro-dust.
In addition, the programs of artistic fields can be limited to people who are interested in art, only affecting specific individuals. On the other hands, people all around the world are definitely affected by the environment. Simply, the environment is a matter of life and death for many people. For these reasons, the program of environmental fields should be supported by the government because they require a lot of researches and studies at a high level.(앞에 for these reasons라고 했는데 뒤에 이유를 적는 이유는 뭔가요?) For instance, there is a poll conducted by the Johns Hopkins University with 500 students majoring in a social philosophy department as respondents. The purpose of the survey is to understand the importance of the government’s funding in terms of the field of the environment. The majority of participants said that natural resources are so integral and essential in order to remain satisfactory life that the government should invest in the field of the environment. An overwhelming 92 percent responded that it is more important to support the environmental program than the artistic one.
In conclusion, taking indispensable, irrevocable air condition and the value of environment into consideration, I strongly believe that the government should spend their money to fund programs to enhance the valuable environment. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our society.
중간 중간 문법 오류/문장적인 오류가 반복적으로 많이 보이는 에세이입니다. 이러한 부분에 있어서는 에세이 많이 읽기와 문장 쓰기 연습이 도움이 많이 될 것 같습니다. 어휘는 irrevocable이나 support등 썼던 단어를 많이 반복적으로 쓰는 경향이 많이 보이는데 이에 대해서는 조금 더 다양하게 표현 사용할 수 있도록 다양한 어휘 공부가 필요해보입니다. |