■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Accepting othr's criticism is beneficial for a group to succeed. Agree disagree? |
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people believe they should confirm
criticism from others to be in track to the success. However, I strongly disagree
with the statement that criticism is beneficial for a group to succeed. First,
criticism makes team members stressful. Second, criticism can hinder one group’s
unique identity.
First and foremost, criticism from other
people makes team members feel stressful. Stressful conditions strongly make
people discouraged to work hard on specific tasks. Less effort made in the task
leads to unsuccessful consequences. For example, the group named ‘save the
animals’ was created in Korea in 2010. This group was consisted of teenager
volunteers who attempted to make projects to help abandoned animals. Even
though they were involved in the team with good mind, general public began to criticize
them. To be specific, general public criticized about where they use their
money, how often they go to take care of pets and how they collect donation
money. They were doing well but got too many criticisms from adults and got a
lot of stress. This eventually made them less willing to work hard because they
felt they will get criticized whatever they began to do. As a result they
announced that they were discouraged to maintain the team and decided to give
up.
Second, criticism can hinder one group’s
special identity. Each group has unique characteristics that other cannot (줄임말 사용을 지양해주세요.) have such as the aim of the group and the way the group express themselves. And criticism
can make them lose these unique traits. For example, when I was in high
school, I made a group with my friends make a music video. At first, we got a
lot of praises from other friends that we have really special music that other
people can’t create with our unique voices. I was proud that we were different
from other student’s music video. However, one day our music teacher criticized
about my music video and pointed out that our song melody is too complex that
makes audiences stressful. We accepted our teacher’s view and made our melody
more simple. Teacher praised about the normal song but a lot of my friends were
depressed that we lost our own identity. Like this example, accepting criticism
can lead to the lack of special identity in group.
In conclusion, I am strongly against with
the statement that criticism is beneficial for a group to succeed. First,
criticism makes team members stressful. Second, criticisms hinder one group’s
special identity. It is clear that criticism from other people give negative
affect to group member’s mental condition and identity rather them encouraging
team members to work hard to succeed.
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1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. 전치사가 남용되는 경향이 있습니다. criticize + 명사 바로 오고
against + 명사 바로옵니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*