▶ Your Answer :
The natural environment plays
a significant role in people's daily lives in many of the places where we work
or play. Some people might think that the government should protect natural
environmental places and wild nature animals, while others contend that they
should fund on research to develop environmentally friendly energy sources. If
I were asked regarding about this matter, I would say that the most important action for
the government is to enact laws to prevent pollution of air and water by big
companies. There is a reason, as follows.
Undoubtedly, pollution of
air and water is the most urgent and dangerous problem that we face. It brings
negative effect of people health physically and psychologically. Also, sometimes
it can be lethal. However, if the government have more attention on this
matter, it would be solved faster and easier. The most effective way is to
enact regulations that restrict big companies not to emit harmful gas or waste.
This was proved by our country. Since few years ago, Korea suffered from severe
fine dust. Even though all people put their masks, respiratory disease was increasing
constantly. When several researchers studied the cause of find dust, they found
that fume from big companies' factories brought this disaster. Thus, the government
decided to make a law that companies emitting harmful gases have to pay huge
fine. As a result, the effect of the law was dramatic. Fine dust has decreased
a lot and people became not to wear masks. I think that this regulation makes
people not only healthy, but also happier.
To sum up, the advantage of
preventing pollution by companies far outweigh those of other method for the
reason that I have mentioned. All in all, I firmly believe that the importance
of the government's action cannot be overestimated in the pursuit of public
health and their happiness.
문법 오류이나 어휘 오류는 거의 없습니다. 없는 대신에 문장을 너무 짧고 simple하게 쓰시는 것 같습니다. 조금 문장형식 다양하게 써주셔도 되고, 너무 짧다 싶으면 앞 문장의 뜻이 맞는 문장이랑 이어서 작성해주셔도 됩니다. 또 하나 아쉬운 점은 main paragraph가 한개밖에 없다는 것입니다 intro, main2개, conclusion이게 가장 이상적이니 다음에 쓰실 때에 이렇게 작성해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다.
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