■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : The best way for parents to teach their children about their responsibility is making them raise animals. |
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▶ Your Answer :Undoubtedly, responsibility plays a significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people believe that the best way for parents to teach their children about their responsibility is making them raise animals, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that children can be aware of the significance of responsibility by raising their pet. There is a reason as follows. To begin with, raising animals helps children realize the importance of the sense of responsibility. Taking care of their pet requires them to feed, bathe, and clean up. Although the children always are taken care by their parents before, they are able to experience that they can also look after something else such as a pet. When such obligations are fulfilled, it is likely to bring about a good result in life. For example, my youngest brother used to be lazy and selfish. He always makes an excuse that he is too tired from a long day at school. He has changed slowly after my parents adopted a puppy called ‘Lizzi’. He realized that his punctuality makes Lizzi stay healthy, while his laziness could negatively affect it. When my family went outside during three days except him and Lizzi, we asked him to be careful to take care of Lizzi. He answered that he could do that, but he actually did not. He forgot to feed lizzi on time, and bathe it after strolling. After three days, Lizzi got sick seriously and he felt guilty hugely, accepting that his behavior caused his loved dog to get a disease. He thought that he should have looked after Lizzi well because Lizzi is so susceptible to his careless behavior. After this experience, he started to become more prompt with time, played his part better, and even sheltered other abandoned or orphaned animals. Without this experience, he would have still been irresponsible. All things considered, I strongly believe that raising animals is the most efficient way for children to improve the sense of responsibility for the reason I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of being responsible cannot be underestimated in pursuit of happiness. |
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1. 토플 에세이의 기본적인 구성은 서론 - 본론 1 - 본론 2 - 결론입니다.
그런데 지금 본론 2가 빠져있는 것을 확인하실 수 있습니다.
다른 reason 하나를 더 써주시면 구조상으로 더 보기 좋은 에세이가 될 듯합니다.
2. 문법, 내용 (사례), 구조는 모두 무난하게 좋습니다~!
수고하셨습니다. *^^*