Although many people care about the environment, the current environmental situation will not improve in the future.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요^^
An intriguing topic of discussion at hand is the current environmental circumstances will not improve in the future. The answer to this question can vary greatly depending on an individual’s perspectives. Thus, the jury may still be out. As far as I am concerned, I am in complete disagreement in the statement that the current environmental problems will not be resolved in the future despite the attention of people for the reasons as follows.
To start with, the awareness of the public regarding environmental issues are getting higher as time passes by and this these tendency will lead to each individual’s effort to save environment. As the level of pollution got serious, people recognizing the seriousness of environmental problems have made huge efforts in order to inform ordinary people of these current issues through various kinds of activities. Thanks to this these endeavor, people in current society are well aware of the seriousness of environmental problems and try to change their daily trivial habits polluting environment. 사람들이 사태의 심각성을 인지하고 있는 추세라는 점, 이를 위해 노력하고 있다는 점을 설명해서 입장과 연결한 부분이 좋습니다. 이 추세가 계속되면 환경문제는 해결될 수 있다는 나의 입장까지 전부 연결지어서 설명해도 좋을 것 같아요. To take my personal experience for example, when I was in high school, I barely knew know how valuable the environment is and always consumed resources wastefully. One day, my teacher showed students the documentary film concerning the recent active campaigns of Green Peace to protect the environment worldwide. After I watched this program, I felt very ashamed for my indiscreet daily habits destroying the environment. Since then, I have always tried to change my routine habits to protect precious environment. This example shows that the environmental situation in the future will be better in current trend that recognition and attitude of people about the environment is changing.
Moreover, the advancement of technology in the future will contribute to resolving environmental issues. As mentioned above, as people started to recognize the importance of the environment, the research for developing environmental-friendly technology is also activated these days. To be specific, various kinds of technology considering the environment has invented such as renewable energy, biodegradable technology and environmental friendly technique compared to those in the past. In this context, scientists will put more efforts to developing ground-breaking technologies for the environment in the future, which results in improvement of the environment. To illustrate this point, there is a research conducted by Ministry of Environment of Korea in 2011 that newly invented eco-friendly technology had played a significant role in reducing the scale of pollution. As seen in this research, people can expect the improvement of the environment in the future with the help of advanced technology. 기술발전이 환경문제를 해결할 수 있을 것이라는 idea와 설명이 적절합니다. 단순히 친환경적인 기술을 개발해서 성공했다는 사례보다는 사례 내용에 좀 더 살을 붙여서 주장과 더 연결해도 좋을 것 같아요. 예를 들어 이처럼 환경보전을 위한 기술 개발들이 끊임없이 이어지고 있고 대부분이 성공적이라 보도했다, 앞으로 이 추세가 계속된다면 환경오염을 해결하는 데도 큰 도움이 될 것이라는 전망을 함께 보도했다, 하는 식으로도 생각해볼 수 있고요.
In conclusion, I am strongly convinced that environmental issues will be improved in the future on account of two major reasons mentioned above.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Good (24–28)
논제가 묻는 내용을 정확하게 파악하고 그에 대한 답변으로 연결되는 부분들이 잘 드러나 있어 좋습니다. 환경문제와 관련된 문제는 쉽지 않지만 종종 출제되는 문제유형이니 확실하게 연습해두시면 실전에서도 많은 도움이 될 수 있을 거예요^^ 현재 맥락에서의 '환경'은 정관사(the)를 붙여서 사용하는 것이 자연스러우니 체크해주시고요^^ 수고 많으셨습니다. 화이팅!