An existence of Ancient Egyption's trade route.
*진하게 표시한 부분은 제가 파악한 문단의 주요 내용이니 참고하세요.
According to the reading passage, it is reliable that there was a trade route in an Ancient Egypt which connect (connects / connected) Africa with America. However, the points made in the article are totally contradicted by lecturer's claim that the existence of trade route is not proved until now. 깔끔한 서론입니다.
To begin with, the article says that it is a mumy with nicotine and cocain that can explain the trade route because those substances are originated from America. On the contrary, the lecturer casts doubt on the reading passage's claim by asserting that those chemicals can be come from other plants in Africa. In addition, the speaker indicates that the mumies could be have been contaminated by scientists who researched the mumies.
On top of that, the reading argues that the image of South American continent can be a reason that there was the route. This perspective is was also challenged by the lecturer's claim that the image can could be a picure of anything. This is because there was no methods method to see the whole continent at the time of Ancient Egypt. image of continent같은 표현들은 Lecture을 모르는 상태에서는 여러 의미로 해석될 수 있으니, 이것을 염두에 두시고 항상 가장 명확하고 vague하지 않게 써주세요.
The last point made in the reading is that there were pyramids in each both Egypt and Mesoamerica. The lecturer, however, contradicts the point by asserting that there are huge differences in the style of pyramids and also the building skills of them. For instance, in the case of an Egypt pyramid, the surface is flat and there is no signs of decorations, wheares, there are stairs on the surface of a Mesoamerica pyramid and also lots of decorations in it.
주요 채점기준 (항목별 5-4-3-2-1점수로 30점 만점 자가채점)
논제 파악 effectiveness in addressing the task
적절한 설명 appropriate explanation
적절한 예증, 구체적 설명 appropriate exemplification, details
일관성, 단계적 구성, 주제와의 연관성 unity, progression, coherence
다양한 단어 구사 syntactic variety
적절한 단어 선택, 관용적 표현 word choice, idiomaticity
Writing 0–30 score scale
Fair-Good (20-25)
대체적으로 Reading과 Lecture 간의 대립구조가 잘 드러났고 수월하게 읽혔던 글입니다. 특히 첫번째 본론과 세번째 본론은 잘 써주신 것 같아요. 이제 큰 틀이 잘 잡혀있으니, 어색하거나 서투른 표현들을 조금 수정해주시고 또 그 틀에 살을 더 붙여주시는 식으로 하면 훌륭한 글이 될 것 같아요. 특히 살을 붙여나가실 때는 채점자가 Reading과 Lecture을 모르는 상태에서 채점한다는 것을 염두에 두고 논리적 흐름이 끊기지 않도록(특히나 용어 사용이나, 대명사를 쓸때) 주의해주세요. 수고하셨습니다.^^