> > 2013-08-11 16:52:09, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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▶ Topic :Young people enjoy life more than older people do. | |
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▶ Your Answer :
There is an argument over whether young people enjoy life more than older people do. Some people believe that young people enjoy their life lives more (people의 life이기에 복수형인 lives가 되어야합니다. 그리고 than은 형용사 + er 또는 more이 있어야만 쓸수있습니다.) than older people do, as they are young and have many more (흐름상 more이 더 적합한것 같습니다.) opportunities to do something. My view, however, is that young people don't not (에세이에서는 절대 줄임 표현을 쓰지 마세요.) have much time and money to enjoy their lives. life. Moreover, they are very sensitive to trivial mistakes that they can't cannot see the long-term of their lives. life.
To begin with, young people do not have no (no로 부정문을 표현하려면 no 다음에 명사가 와야합니다. enough는 형용사이기에 do not have를 쓰셔야합니다.) enough time and money to enjoy their lives. This is largely because, they have to do many other things, such as studying, doing some internship and so on extra, and they don't do not have much money to go to travel as they can't cannot get paid much. earn a lot of paychecks. According to the study conducted by the team of Oxford University, more than 75% of the 20's mentioned that they spend their much of their time doing some to work or study. The study also suggests that older people who are more than 45 years old much enjoy their life lives much more than those (명사의 구분을 확실히 해야합니다. uner 45 years old는 명사가 아닙니다.) under 45 years old. Therefore, young people don't do not enjoy their life lives as much as older people do.
In addition, young people have a tendency to of being sensitive to their small mistakes. It always (always, usually, seldom, sometimes와 같은 단어는 be동사 뒤, 조동사 뒤, 일반동사 앞에 오신다는걸 명심하세요.) leads makes them always nervous or annoyed about something they doing. Generally, It it is a well-known fact that young people do not have no variety of experience than compared to older people. It hinders (3인칭 단수일땐 동사뒤에 s를 붙여주셔야합니다.) young people from foreseeing the long-term future. For instance, when I was in a high school, I was always worried about my test scores. That day, At that time, I think my test scores are were the (과거에 어머님이 말씀하신것이기 때문에 과거형이 되어야 하고 most나 형용사 + est와 같은 최고 표현을 하실땐 the를 꼭 붙이셔야 합니다.) most important things in part of my life. So Therefore (so, also, and, or과 같은 접속사는 문장의 첫머리로 좋지 않습니다) I usually got (upset은 형용사입니다. 동사가 필요합니다.) upset when I screw up did badly on (screw up은 일상생활에 쓰이는 속어에 가깝습니다. 에세이에 적합한 단어가 아닙니다.) my test. However, my mom always told me that it is they are important things to you now, but it is not the most important part of things in my life. According to her, I had to See see the bright side on your of my future, It which will fertilize me when I grow up. to you and you become grown up. When I was young, I didn't could not understand her, my mother’s mentioned. But but when I grown up now that I grew up, I understand what that meant. means. Had it not been for worrying about my test everyday time that day, I would have spent my school life more joyfully. enjoyable.
To sum up, I object that young people enjoy life more than older people do. First, young people don't not have much time and money. Furthermore, they are too timid about their trivial mistakes, so they are always worried about something. For those reasons, I think it is impossible to for young man men to enjoy life more than older man men do. | |
안녕하세요 에세이 잘 읽었습니다. =)
에세이의 구조는 잘 이해하고 계신것 같습니다 ^^
다만 문법상 오류가 좀 많으신 편이라 연습을 좀 많이 하셔야 될것 같아요 ㅠㅠ
먼저 more의 사용법을 정확히 알고 계셔야 합니다. more이라는 단어는 비교격 단어인 형용사 + er 또는 more이라는 단어 없이는 사용이 불가능합니다.
그리고 복수형과 단수형의 쓰임새를 확실히 아셔야 할것 같습니다.
에세이에서 줄임표현 (don't, can't, havn't 등등)은 안쓰시는게 좋구요.
부사 형용사 동사의 적절한 위치와 쓰임새에 대해서도 공부를 하셔야 될것 같습니다.
영어는 꾸준함입니다! 꾸준히 공부하시고 연습하시면 에세이 만점도 받으실수 있을겁니다 =)
힘내시고 화이팅 하세요!