> > 2013-08-17 20:22:26, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
* 총 작성시간 : 23분 49초 |
* 단어수 : 370 자 |
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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▶ Topic : The most important period in a person's like is one's twenties. | |
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▶ Your Answer : I disagree with with (같은 전치사는 함께 나열될수 없습니다.) the following statement. First, in my opinion, it depends on countries, their circumstance, and it is different (each person's situation도 depends on에 따라 오는 것이기 때문에 따로 문장으로 만들 필요가 없습니다.) each person's situation. Since I am a Korean, I would like to talk about this topic as a Korean.
In our country, the most important thing is SAT. It cannot too emphasize to its important. It is so essential that one cannot emphasize the importance of it. (너무나 중요해서 강조하기가 어렵다는 뜻이었나요? 무슨 뜻인지 정확히 몰라서 일단 그렇게 바꾸었습니다. too는 조동사 뒤에 올수 없으며 important는 형용사이므로 소유격인 its뒤에 올수 없습니다. 문장 구조가 완전히 틀렸기에 통째로 바꾸었습니다.) Because it is connected with our university, our life, (오타인것 같은데 주의하세요) like, and I think it is also connected with our maturity. First, I would like to talk about universities. (셀수있는 단수형 명사 앞에는 a, an과 같은 관사가 필요합니다.) university. In Korea, there is nothing more important than university universities to for students. Because it is the source that people judge others, people, not to mention, if some a (some은 몇몇의 라는 뜻으로 복수형 명사가 뒤에 따라와야 합니다.) person did not graduate from a good famous university, this It would be really hard for these people would really hard (조동사 뒤에는 항상 일반동사가 따라와야 합니다. hard는 형용사이구요.) to have a chance to get into a nice job. Even while in interviews, employers might fell him them (대명사가 지칭하는 대상은 앞 문장의 people입니다.) down. The university tile title (오타 조심하세요) always follows them him, when they meet some girls or try to get a job even in the army. I think this trend is too harsh for people that they are just judged only by their university titles. However, this is the reality. (이것이 현실이다 라고 표현하시려면 reality라는 단어를 쓰셔야합니다.) We can't cannot (에세이에서 줄임표현을 쓰는 것은 좋지 않습니다.) change our society. If we really want to change our society, first we should fulfil fulfill this qualification. Then we have a chance to change our society. Anyway I mean since this is the reality, it is inevitable. Second, as I mentioned already, by overcoming these inevitable things, we can feel satisfied satisfaction (be satisfied, 또는 feel satisfaction이 맞는 표현입니다.) and have an (명사의 시작이 a, e, i, o, u일 경우엔 an이 나와야합니다.) accomplishment and confidence. (confident는 형용사입니다. 명사형인 confidence를 쓰셔야합니다.) confident. We can also raise our patience. It means we are being mature. It is one of the hard stages in our lives. life. I think it is so important that to clear first stage well. Then we can have a motivation to clear the next stage. I don't do not think the person who hesitate to study for SAT and try to avoid their reality in young age will become a successful person. I think it is just our first step and we must tolerate this thing for future.
Briefly, it depends on each person, as a Korean person, I think the most important period is high school student for SAT. It is very important to tolerate well in this period. I can say that this period will choose your future.
Thank you. | |
안녕하세요 에세이 잘 읽었습니다.
지금 글쓴 분께서 쓰신 에세이는 에세이의 구조가 아닙니다.
그냥 자신의 생각을 캐주얼하게 발표하는 느낌이에요 ㅠㅠ
에세이는 서론 본론 결론으로 파트를 나누어 자신의 주장과 이유를 타당한 근거와 예시를 들어 설명하는 것입니다.
물론 이 글에도 서론 본론 결론이 나누어져 있지만 표현 방식과 구조는 에세이의 것이 아닌것 같습니다.
다른 분들이 쓰신 에세이를 보시면서 어떤 구조로 되어 있는지 한번 확인 해보시는게 좋을것 같습니다.
문법과 표현방식의 첨삭은 본문에 빨간 글씨로 설명 드렸습니다 ^^ 한번 훑어 보시고 감을 찾아보도록 하세요
수고하셨습니다! 화이팅하세요~