First of all, skills about careers and field give students an (important의 첫 알파벳은 i인 모음입니다. 이럴경우 a가 아닌 an이 나와야합니다) important chance to obtain a nice career in a lot of business fields. Nowadays (nowadays가 맞는 표현입니다) some people may get an occupation easily. However, as most people might expect, good jobplaces are not enough for those who want to take a job. These days companies in my countries have a hard time keeping up with their competitors. Chinese businesses have been exploding and are rapidly catching up in multiple industries. Western coutries have showcased a high degree of innovative and novel ideas. As a result, there is a demand for companies to hire exclusively the highest qualified workers. Consequently, the (only가 명사를 수식하면 그 명사는 특정한 대상이 되므로 the가 꼭 붙습니다) only people who are experienced and high-qualified can land on (land a job은 말이 안됩니다. 비유를 통해 직업 위에 연착륙한다 라고 쓰이려면 전치사 on이 필요합니다.) a job and retain it. For these reasons, students in colleges and even high schools have to study hard to ensure they possess a vast array of pratical job skills that include specific careers and fields. This proves that universities and high school have to give student an opportunity to learn skills of careers.
In addition, students in high schools and universities can save time to get a foremost job and have a chance to experience many kinds of extra activities. The lives of today's students are extremely burdened with their compulsory academic and extracurricular activities. When it comes to an improvement for getting a job, taking school classes about general subjects is not enough. Most students engage in online learning or private institute in order to have take a chance to get acquire skills to find a nice job. If schools allow students to learn a lot of skills for getting a job in regular curricular, they can reduce the waste of (단순히 waste time이라는 것은 어법상 어색합니다. waste of time이 좀 더 자연스러운 표현이 됩니다.) time to go through online courses and institutes. Futhermore, they can relieve their stress to spend spare time freely.
This demonstrates that students should be learned about specific careers and fields in their schools.
To sum up, I agree that it is more important for students to know specific careers and fields than do to take regular subjects for the reasons that I mentioned above. First, it helps students to achive a good job. Second, Students can save time to get a foremost job.
(결론을 쓰시다가 중간에 멈춘듯한 느낌입니다. 마지막에 에세이 전체를 마무리 짓는 문장이 하나 더 있다면 좋을것 같습니다)