▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that television advertising directed toward young children should not be allowed, while others do not think differently. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. In my opinion, television advertising is good for young children. There are several reasons and examples as follows. for the following two subsequent reasons.
Television advertising helps young people to expand their world view To begin with, people can broaden their perspective. The reason is that many kinds of television advertising which hold divergent political and social opinions and ideas can dramatically open one’s eyes to new aspects of life sharing their knowledge and messages. In other words, television advertising allows young children to better understand other cultures, lifestyles, and perspectives. Because diverse global companies advertise their products and services on television regardless of which country they are in. and As modern society is becoming As society has become increasingly globalized, today’s world requires people with international views, young children can do this better by watching different television advertising in which young people can acquire by watching television. Also, a study conducted by the University of Minnesota showed that people who watched various television advertising could improve a capacity that adjusts strange environments such as other cultures, because of their expanded viewpoints.
Secondly, watching television advertising is an effective method for relieving to relieve stress from studying for young children. To be specific, it allows students to be provided from a mental and physical break from doing homework and helps them do better in school. Moreover, it makes them manage stress, maintain health, and build a quality life. For example, when I was a child, my parents let me watching watch television after studying. I especially interested in television advertising so it helped me forget about stressful aspects of my daily life such as doing homework. I felt refreshed and was able to concentrate on my homework and studies better. Hence, I still think that this was the reason that I consistently got good grades and had a dream to be a television advertisement maker.
In brief, I firmly believe that the advantages of watching television advertising far outweigh its disadvantages. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been efficiently and precisely delivered with the reasons I have mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future.
점수:24 전반적으로 어색한 표현들이 많습니다. 이러한 어색한 표현들은 에세이 플로우로 하여금 방해를 줍니다. 에세이 플로우가 방해를 받다 보면 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 파악하기가 힘들기 때문에. 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 두 번째 문제는 너무 구어체입니다. 구어체로 에세이를 서술하려고 하지 말고 좀 더 문어체로 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |