▶ Your Answer :
According to people in this competitive
world , most of them think that children should play sports for competition.
However, in my opinion, I strongly disagree with the above statement for
several reasons.
To begin with, children are able to get rid
of their stress can get rid of stress. To be specific, children are suffering from their jam-pack
life such as a large amount of tasks and grades suffer from a plethora amount of work such as tasks and grades (이 것을 말하려고 한것이 맞나요?). Playing spots without any
competition helps them forget about personal problems because it is the only
method not only be healthy but also feel fresh not only to become healthy but also feel fresh. For example, one of my elder
brother, when he was ten years old, felt that his school life was so stressful because
he had just transferred from previous school . However, after he started play playing (동사가 두 개 입니다) baseball with friends he became happy. He could relived stress and got
healthier. so that he could relieve stress and get healthy
In addition, children can make a good
connection. What I mean is in this competitive world In this competitive world (what I mean~같은 표현은 적절한 표현이 아닙니다), it is hard to make a
relationship with someone because some people are likely to treat other people
as a competitor could treat others as competitor. In this situation, playing sports is beneficial to children
who really desire to make beautiful connection. There was research conducted by
Korea Institution of Education to determine whether playing sports without competition
affect children affects children (ing뒤에는 항상 단수 주어 입니다). It demonstrated that over 80 percent of respondents of middle
school students mentioned that the best way to make friends is playing to play some
sports such as soccer, baseball or basketball. It showed that doing sports
encourage children interact with people which encourage people to interact with other people
To sum up, playing sports help helps children develop
their physical abilities and social interaction. In this regard, children
should play various sports for fun rather than for competition.
점수: 26 지적할 필요가 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에 있어서는 설득력 부분에 있어서는 완벽히 숙지가 되어있는 에세이입니다. 각 단락의 구체적 설명과 적절한 예시들을 통하여서 왜 운동은 즐기면서 하는 것이 더 효과적인지를 잘 보여주고 있습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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