여기 게시판에서 지적받았던 것과, 학원선생님이 부족하다 한 부분을 고쳐봤어요...어휘를 좀 다양하게 쓰고, 바디2의 예를 더 구체적으로 해봤어요..소중한 피드백 부탁드립니다 ^^ |
It is often said that teaching ability is more necessary for a teacher rather than ability to relate well with students. Some people might support this statement since conveying knowledge is the primary purpose of education. However, I disagree with the idea that teachers should focus more on enhancing their teaching ability than on establishing a good relationship with their students. This is because a friendly teacher motivates students to study harder and develop their social skills.
To begin with, students are stimulated to concentrate on their studies by a friendly teacher. It is common that people tend to meet the expectation of others who they care about. In this context, students are likely to pay attention to the class with a teacher who gets along well with them. Therefore, their grades would improve. For example, when I was in middle school, I met a new mathematics teacher. Although I always received poor grades on her classes, she never blamed me for my poor scores and she kindly encouraged me to be confident. Thus, -> Thus...? Thus..? Thus..? I started studying mathematics harder not to make her disappointed. Finally, I greatly improved my grades on mathematics. If it had not been for such a kind teacher, I would not have gained the high grades.
In addition, a friendly teacher helps students nurture their interpersonal skills. Of course, learning knowledge is important. However, what is more essential in a society is the ability to interact well with others. Students are able to naturally practice establishing and maintaining a human relationship by mingling with a teacher. To be specific, according to recent studies conducted by the Ministry of Education of Korea, Students who had a positive relationship with a teacher adjusted well to new workplaces and people three times faster than those who never got along well with a teacher. Moreover, some of them who never met a friendly teacher even found it is(X) difficult to mingle well with others because of their poor communication ability. This indicates the importance of a teacher with good ability to develop good relation with students.
In brief, I firmly believe that being related well with students is more necessary for teachers than having good teaching ability. For students who are still growing mentally and physically, well-rounded education is more required than learning knowledge. In other words, teachers are responsible for not only teaching knowledge, but also developing students' social skills. |
오~ 잘쓰신거같아요^^
표현과 문장이 부드럽게 연결되는 것, 접속어를 적절히 많이 쓰셨네요..ㅋㅋ
음. 단어 수준을 조금 높이면 더 고급스러운 글이 될 것 같아요
예를 들어, 2번째 body 마지막 문장에서 good good 하니깐 약간... 좀 그렇죠? 아닌가?
저는 특히 결론 부분에서 자신의 의견을 정확하게 내세운게 좋아요~!
^*^