122. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are never satisfied with what they have; they always want something more or something different. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
The old saying “there is no limit on one’s greed” still rings true. Indeed our desire for accumulating more and more fortune is accelerating. Many people mistakenly believe that they can not find the value of themselves anymore in the world of materialism and try to learn how to dispossess materials. While it is true that some people are trying to learn how to get satisfied with themselves, most people are striving to achieve more and more because of the happiness it accompanies and the safety of property protection that is offered by the government.
As long as the happiness is concerned, it is mostly proportional to the material that we own. In other words, there is intimate relationship between happiness and the material possession. To illustrate this point, a recent research has conducted a series of poll regarding the relationship between material wealth and happiness. According to the research, there was obviously positive relationship between salary and harmony within a family. It revealed that at least 65% of disharmony within a family is due to financial matters. In this respect we can not disregard the contribution of money toward happiness.
이 body는 행복과 돈과의 상관관계를 서술함으로써 끝납니다. 이것은 off-topic이 될 수 있습니다.
다시 말씀드리면 돈은 행복을 주는데, 그래서 어떻다라는 결론이 없습니다.
질문은 그 결론부분을 말해주길 바라고 있거든요.
물론 잘쓰셨고
비록 이문단에서 결론이 나지 않더라도 계속 다음문단으로 이어지는 형식의 전개가 이루어진다면 모르겠지만
뒷내용을 읽어보니 그런전개형식이 아니라 여기서 끊어지므로
이 body자체만으로써 봤을때는 다소 필요없는 내용이며 topic address가 이루어지지 않는다고 볼 수 있습니다 :)
In most of the cases, except for communism countries, we get the governments’ protection on our properties. Compared to the past when there was not no such thing as property law, people nowadays feel it pays off to work hard and earn more. It is not as though I am working for the country and for others, it is that I am working for myself and for my family and the work effort is stored in the forms of material possession. In short, our democratic social structure has led to people want more.
Finally, in this rapidly changing world, we simply can not progress just by maintaining the current possession. Desire for more is not the only case in terms of money, it also hold true in terms of knowledge prosperity. To demonstrate, I will give you a personal example. My friend Bob who is working for a major law firm always seeks to improve everything around him. He tries to have deeper friendship, more knowledge, better housing and so forth. From the moment he was employed to the law firm, he continuously studied to get accounting certificates, finance management certificates and so on to make his own image in the firm as an eager beaver. Now he has become the firm’s major committee member. In contrast my friend John who didn’t pursue academic progress since graduating university once got into one of the major law firms in Korea, but lives on hand to mouth nowadays after he was fired.
계속 공부한 사람과 그렇지 못한 사람의 결과를 비교하는 이유는 무엇인가요? :)
밑줄친 부분에서 첫번째 부분이 주제인지 두번째 부분이 주제인지 확실하게 전개해주셔야 할 것 같습니다 :)
지금 보면 둘다 주제인것 같은데 그렇게하면 또다시 topic에 집중하지 못하는 문제가 드러납니다.
It is true that not everyone is trying to live up to their maximum, just like the people in underdeveloped countries. However as illustrated above, most of people are not pleasant with the possession they own. For most people, they crave for more as it can lead to their lives happier, and their belongings get the protection officially. As the world is becoming more competitive, people would want to appropriate more and more materials and knowledge.
글쓰시는 실력이나 전달력은 매우 좋으십니다.
하지만 무언가 2% 주제와 벗어난듯한 느낌의 전개가 아쉽네요.
계속해서 질문을 읽어가며 내가 똑바로 대답을 하고있는지 원하는 사항에 집중하며 제대로 답변하고 있는지
아니면 주변에서 뱅뱅돌고만있는지 확인을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다 :)