09/12 한국 : People are not allowed to use the cell(mobile) phone in the public transportation |
With the advent of the high-tech telecommunication, many people are using a cell phone in these days. The cell phone has small appearance in size and it is very helpful to communicated (communicate) with other people who are in remote area. However, many people now feel some (delete) tiresome to(because of) the noise of a cell phone. Especially, when people use public transportation, the cell phone mainly causes the noise. For these reasons, the cell phone banned (using a cell phone is banned) to communication to other people (unnecessary - delete) in the public area. About (Having) this policy, some people say that the policy is not necessary but inconvenient. While (This is not a adverb connecter --> However or Nonetheless), I think that the policy is very helpful and needed to maintain a calm atmosphere in public area. That is because the cell phone's noise (the noise from a cell phone) makes many people nervous and (?)
서론이 개판났네요 ㅋㅋ while 은 접속사로 2a [문두에 놓여 양보의 종속절을 이끌어] …할지라도, …라고는 해도, …하지만(although) 이란 뜻으로 썻어요, 제가 콤마를 잘못 찍은 건가용?? First of all, the cell phone now becomes the cause of noise in many areas. Many people suffered from a form of noise from many areas. This noise has a negative effect on people's emotion. Especially, when more than two people are speaking with other people on the phone in public area, the surrounding people are influenced from the cell phone' noise. According to a research conducted at
more than 80 percent of respondents said that they have ever (never?) suffered from this kind of anxiety from the noise from using a cell phone in public area.
80% 사람들이 핸드폰 소음으로 공공 장소에서 피해를 받은적이 있다. 라고 쓴건데.. 파란 색으로 쓴 부분을 추가했더니 뜻이 더 clear해 졌죠?
From this research, I am convinced that this noise is very harmful to other people. On the other hand, in opposition to this point, some people against my opinion might say that they need to use cell phone in many areas and the public area is not exception. I partially agree with this refutation but it is meaningful that when anyone is using a cell phone in the public areas, they should minimize (I think it's O.K) the negative effect for other people. Thus, I strongly support the idea that it should not be allowed to use the cell phone in the public area like in the public transportation. On top of that, the major drawback of using mobile phone in public transportation is impulse noise. The impulse noise means that it is able to cause broking electronic machines. The mobile phone is one of the most garget that emits harmful electromagnetic wave to all over the place. Especially, in the airplane, the cell phone causes the unexpected terrible accident like an airplane expose.
For more objective example, I read a newspaper article a few weeks ago, the article (delete --> where it was) said that three major airplanes including 500 passengers have been exposed in mid(?) air from the 2002s to the present (I am not sure what you are trying to say..).
그 아티클이 말하길 세대의 메이져 항공기 (500 승객 태운) 공중에서 폭파 되었다. 2002년 대 부터~ 지금까지
라고 쓴거에용 ㅋ 그리고 the article (delete --> where it was) said 라고 고쳐주신거요 the article 대신에 For more objective example, I read a newspaper article a few weeks ago, where it was said that blah blah ~ 이렇게 쓰라는 말씀 이시죠? 이건 자세히 설명 듣고 싶은데 어떤 용법 쓰는 거죠? it은 아티클 가주어이구..where 은 뭐죠? |
I have modified some in your introduction and things you pointed out. Hope this can help you somehow.