It is better that we have an intelligent friend than we have friends who have a good sense of humor
Everyone has friends, and there are many kinds of friends. From this, some people argue that friends should be so intelligent that we can lend his or her brain and get an advice rather than humorous.-> 이해가 약간 어려운 부분입니다. However, I disagree with the given statement because a humorous friend can be more helpful than an intelligent friend in some ways.
First of all, friends who have a good sense of humor can make me comfortable. Due to the downturn of the nation economy,-> nation's econonmy or national economy the competition to get a job has been severe-> has been more fierce than before. As a matter of fact, most seekers for work are really stressed out and pressured by the expectation of their parents and professors. In this sense, spending free time with comfortable atmosphere is important for them to relieve their stress. By having a humorous friend we can do it. For example, I recently earned bachelor’s degree and have tried to get a job. I have to study to get high score on TOIEC or TOEFL and national computer certificate to get a job. I am always dragged out after I study for 14 hours in the library. Thus, I would like to be relaxed when I have free time. It would be helpful that there is a friend who can make me laugh while I want to relax.
-> 잘 쓰셨는데, 다만 마지막부분에서 예시내용이 다소 편중된것을 수정할 필요가 있어보입니다. 물론 쓰시면서 어려운점들 토로하고 싶으신것 이해가 갑니다만, :) 내용이 유머러스한 친구의 필요성에 대해 이야기한다기보다는, 한문장 빼고 전부 공부의 스트레스에 대해서만 이야기하고 있습니다. 따라서 좀더 완벽성을 위하여 그런전개보다는, 소소한 예시, 즉 힘들때 친구를 불러서 얘기하면 다시 즐거워질 수 있다던지, 공부하다 쉬면서 친구와 전화통화를 하면서 웃다보면 다시 머리가 맑아진다던지 하는.. 말씀하신대로 '유머러스한 친구의 유용한 점'을 강조하는 예시가 나와주었으면 좋겠습니다 :)
Secondly, we can learn a sense of humor from a humorous friend.-> 맞는 문장이지만 좀더 자연스럽게 쓰기 위해 -> Secondly, we can also become humorous ourselves when we generally stay with a person who has a great sense of humor. In Korea, building the-> a good relationship with coworkers is important because most Korean think that the person who does not have good relationship with others has some problems. As a result, most people get along with their coworkers after a job at the work. To facilitate a good relationship with coworkers, a sense of humor would be helpful. My friend, who recently got a job in the Hyundai, is worried about that he is shy. He asked me how he can make a good relationship with his seniors when he just got his job. I gave him some funny stories that I had read on the Internet, and he said it to his boss. After that the boss and my friend have gotten closer than before. It was the first step for him and his boss to make a close relationship.
-> 논거는 매우 좋게 시작했으나, 밑줄친 부분에서 유머의 중요성을 설명하는데 너무 치중하다보니 주제문에서 나온대로, 유머러스한 사람 곁에서 유머를 배워가며 우리스스로 유머러스한 사람이 된다는 논거에 대해서는 설명하는부분은 거의 다루지 못한채 넘어가 버린것이 아쉽습니다 :)
To sum up, I think having a friend who has a sense of humor is better than an intelligent friend because they can make more comfortable and teach a sense of humor which can be used to make a good relationship with others.