■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer
▶ Topic :
Television should be used to instruct people rather than to entertain them.
▶ Your Answer :
There is some disagreement whether or not people should use television to gain information rather than to entertain themselves. Some people think that watching television is the best way to relieve stress. However, in my opinion, television should function more as an informative source than as an entertaining one. This is because, using television is an effective way to educate people. Moreover, people can choose any topic they are interested in from a variety of channels.
To begin with, television is very conducive to delivering important information to many people. It is not a secret that a lot of people around the world watch televisions at home, and they have easy access to it. Therefore, it is an easy way to instruct many people at once by broadcasting an informative show or news. For example,
(pandemic situation이라고 하지 않고 그냥 during pandemic이라고 해도 의미 전달 됩니다) due to covid-19, television plays an important role in giving useful and helpful information to people. The Ministry of Health in South Korea reports new confirmed cases and significant instruction for people to prevent from coronavirus on television regularly. This incredibly helps people get abundant knowledge about the epidemic and the way to keep social distance between others. Breaking news and emergency announcements on television are always fast and effective ways to deliver vital information. Thus, watching television is a great way for people to be educated and to gain useful knowledge effectively.
Furthermore, people can freely choose topics in which they are interested among various options available on televisions. Since televisions are able to offer a great variety of channels, people are able to select useful information which they think is helpful for them at that moment. Some channels specifically focus on scientific topics, and some solely broadcast global events occurring all over the world. For instance, when I was in high school, I had trouble studying botanic subjects in school because a lot of botanical ideas were complicated and hard for me to understand.(이렇게 비슷한 맥락 반복적으로 적은 부분 꽤 보이는데 굳이 이렇게 적지 말고 그냥 complicated로 끝내도 됩니다 However, once I had a chance to watch a tv show in a botany-focused channel, I found it so helpful because the show provided not only text and narrations but also visual and auditory information. As a result, I started to use a television as a source of gaining specific knowledge that I need. By choosing a channel that related to the topic I am interested in, I was able to expand my horizons and become more knowledgeable about most subjects required at school. Based on my experience, television offers informative shows on various topics and issues, which enables people to select a channel that they are interested in.
To summarize, television has a positive impact on educating people. This is because it can deliver urgent and significant information immediately to a lot of people. Moreover, it helps people understand a topic more effectively since it offers visual and auditory materials as well. In these regards, I strongly believe that televisions should be used as an informative source for people rather than as a source of entertainment.
문장을 별로 안 적어본 것 같습니다. 조금 더 자연스러운 연결을 위해서는 영작 연습 조금 더 하시면 좋을 것 같아요.
그리고 어휘 같은 경우 문장과 전혀 안 어울리는 부분들이 있습니다. 정확한 쓰임새나 의미까지
외워야 한다는 점 잊지 마세요. 그리고 연결사 조금 더 다양화해서 쓰면 좋을 듯합니다.
주장 자체는 좋은데 예시를 조금 더 concise하게 적고 supporting detail을 늘리는 걸 추천드립니다