Q) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
"getting a university education is the most important factor for success in life."
참고로 전 본문만 썼습니다.
First of all, in this competitive and complex society, we should be equipped with acquire specialized knowledge.
In other words, only university education can provide those knowledge and techniques. High school education offers just basic knowledge to get an university education and is not good enough to apply for a company. In a college, students choose majors and subject to learn and become specialized human source as they grow senior. They write hundreds of reports, stay up all nights for midterm and final exams, sometimes become a member of laboratory. Without these efforts, it is hard to become personnel that company requires. Indeed, a research says that people who graduated university earn salary three times more than those who graduated from middle school or elementary school. This study shows how university education plays a major role in success of an individual’s life.
Second, people meet a great number of important people in university. To put it differently, there is
limited number of people that we can meet until we graduate from a high school. However, university is the place whole variety of people with different background get together. Among those people, there should be people who take major part in one's life. People can meet future wife or husband in a university, or the best friend ever, or a professor who can give critical advices to get a good company. Since society now requires tight and large social network, it is important to know and keeping in touch as many as people we can. Therefore, graduating university is crucial to lead a successful life.
몇가지 중요한것만 첨삭해드렸구요.
음 일단 많이 써보셔야합니다. (항상 듣는 말이겠지만^^;) 안써보신게 티가 나구요. 영어로 꿈꿀때까지 죽었다 생각하고 그냥 무작정 쓰세요. 영자신문 꼭 읽으셔야 수준도 올라갑니다.^^
그리구요, 첫번째 두번째 이런식으로 쓰실거면 시작을 다소 수준높은 문장으로 시작하시는게 좋습니다.
그리고 가장 중요한 팁. 한문장이 그 뒤의 전체 주제가 되는것입니다.
즉, 시작하는 문장이 뒤에 올 내용을 다 포함하는 하나의 주제가 되어야합니다. 님은 약간 이런면이 부족하신것 같네요. 제가 한번 써보겠습니다.
First of all, universities would add strong credentials to people's educational backgrounds.
대학교는 사람들의 교육 배경에 강한 신용을 가져다줄것이다.
(뒤에 쓰신 내용의 주제로 적합한가요? ^^ 제생각엔 훌륭한것같습니다. 잠시자랑... )
Secondly, universities help us to form a good connection.
대학교는 좋은 인맥을 형성하는것을 도와준다.
(괜찮은가요?)