▶ Your Answer :
As everything in life is like a coin which has two different
sides, people should weigh pros and cons before jumping to conclusions. After
all, each and every question of topic requires careful deliberation in that
there is always multiple variables to a truth. Even though some adamantly say
that it is more worth to save money for the future rather than spending it for
a trips, I strongly think such opinion lacks coherence to some extent. In my
humble opinion, it is far better to spend money for trips rather the saving in
long run for the following two subsequent reasons.
First and foremost, we can obtain lots of valuable lessons from
trips. Although we can live even if we do not travel, traveling provides plenty
of meaningful experiences that would not be get from confined place. To
illustrate my point more thoroughly, I will take my personal experience. I went
to Philippines for trip last year and it was my first trip to abroad in my
life. At first, I did not look forward to it since I had thought that there are
no significant differences in there as it might not have clear distinction. However, I eventually found their unique
cultures such as language or their everyday behavior and learn lots of virtues
that I had not gotten from my country. Had it not been for this trip, I would
not be able to broaden broaden my horizon of the world. Therefore, I think this wide
perspectives gained from trips are more helpful to my future career than just
sort of money required for trips.
On top of that, few people would deny that there is an optimal
time for trip. People are generally getting weaker as time passes generally have become weaker. Hence it
might be too late to go to trip for the old who have saved money for the
future. For instance, my mother always has regretted her choices that she only
worked hard and thought that and traveling is only for the wealthy old in her young
age since she went to Philippines with family last year. She also recommends me
to go to various foreign countries and experience myriad things when I am
young, since there are many physical hurdles for the old to go to trip.
In summation To sum up, it is virtually impossible to provide completely
satisfying answer to the open-ended question. Although the jury may be out of
this given topic, we can come to mutual agreement that traveling is more
beneficial for our future than saving money.
점수: 21 일단 전체적으로 너무 장황한 독립형 에세이입니다 . 이러한 장황한 에세이는 전체적으로 에세이의 본레 전달하고 싶었던 의미들이 변질되게 됩니다. 특히 이 에세이 같은 경우는 인트로 부터 시작해서 결론까지 전체적으로 너무 길고 장황하여서 무엇을 전달하려고 하는 것인지 모르겠습니다. 따라서 좀 더 간결하고 명확하게 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |