There are two types of businesses in the world: one that restructures hires and fires its employees whenever it is necessary, and the one that keeps its workers whatever happens. Both of the forms have their merits and demerits, but if someone asks me whether you think businesses should be forced to follow the latter type, I would definitely answer ‘no’ and since business is all about efficiency. it is all about efficiency. 잘 쓰셨어요!! 서론을 어떻게 쓸까 너무 고민하지 마시고 본인의 주장만 잘 드러나게 쓰고 바디에 더 집중하는게 좋아요 :) safe bet은 흔하긴 하지만 some people~ however, (나의 주장) 바디에 쓸 reason요약/ 과 같이 template을 외워서 쓰면 시간을 마니 세이브 하실거에요.
It (paragraph시작을 대명사로 하면 좋지 않아요) Guaranteeing the employees' jobs would deprive the workers of one of the most powerful incentives to work. People work hard in part because unless they do so, they might be fired. In other words, if the workers are guaranteed of their employment for their whole lives, they would not work hard enough to secure their position in the work place. This would not only create a huge inefficiency, but also would be extremely unfair for the businesses, or the employers; they hire and pay for workers because they want to promised to help them make profit and do well in the market, not because they want to make do some charity work to lazy people.
Furthermore, it여기도 바꿔주세요~ would undermine the working atmosphere. Think about this. Everyone’s employment is as safe as yours, thus you are going to work with almost every one of them from the time you are employed to the time you retire. Wouldn’t you find it hard to make better suggestions than your co-worker’s clumsy suggestion at discussions? Wouldn’t you be reluctant to reject your boss’s offer to go out altogether for drink, which would definitely affect your work tomorrow? 의문문 보단 평서문으로 쓰면 더 stable&strong assertion이 될거같아요:) You would hesitate to make a suggestion or opposition to a co-worker since it might do harm to the relationship. Also, since you have to work for the same boss, it would be hard to pass get-togethers. As everyone knows that they have to meet each other forever, one inevitably cares employees are compelled to care about their co-workers’ feelings or relationship with them when it is totally inefficient to do so.
This is not to say that the business model of employing its workers for their entire lives is inherently wrong; it does have some good aspects such as close ties between workers and employers, or a family-like working environment. However, the advantages caused by that all together do not surpass or at least offset the huge inefficiency caused by the defects listed above. After all, a business prospers when it is run efficiently.