▶ Your Answer :
It is hard to deny that the satisfaction rates of work are important to workers. There might be some people who believe that doing similar tasks all day long is less satisfied for workers than doing different types of tasks during the workday. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for a subsequent reason. First and foremost, repeating similar works makes workers to be skillful skillful (make 뒤에서는 동사 원형이 나와야 합니다). To be specific, workers tend to feel happy and be satisfied when they finish their works successively without any mistakes successfully. However, doing a lot of different sorts of tasks enables them to be stressed out because it requires them a significant amount of time and effort to become skillful workers in every different task become stressful as it takes a plethora of time and effort to become skillful worker. Let me bring up my uncle’s experience as an example. He For example, my uncle (let me bring up my~같은 표현은 구어체이기 때문에 독립형 에세이에서는 적절치 않습니다) has worked in a newspaper company which is called Kookmin Times for 20 years. He really wanted to be a journalist who especially writes articles about the economic phenomenon in the country become an economist journalist. As time went to by he could easily get accustomed to writing articles and became a really skillful journalist in the area because he usually wrote similar articles especially Korean economic crisis becoming a really skillful journalist in relationship with Korean economic issue. He was satisfied due to his great ability, but one day, one of his coworkers got a sick leave, so he needed to do her tasks. He had to write many different types of articles which were not familiar with him. This was because she She (this is because는 좋지 않는 표현이고 she가 가르키는 대상이 무엇인가요?) did not want to write similar articles all day, so she wrote about all subjects not only economy, but also culture and politics. As a result, he made a lot of mistakes all day long and he was very stressed out. Had it not been for writing different types of articles, he would not have been stressed out. In a nutshell, doing different tasks all day makes workers be unskillful and stressed out because they are not used to every different task. For this reason, I strongly believe that workers are more satisfied when they do similar tasks during the workday rather than doing many different tasks all day.
점수: 21 일단 전체적으로 너무나도 장황한 독립형 에세이입니다. 장황하다고 느껴지는 가장 큰 이유는 한 단락에 모든 정보를 넣으려고 합니다. 너무 한 단락에 정보를 넣으려고 하다 보니 본질이 흐트려지는 거 같습니다. 특히 예시에 대한 부분이 너무 비교적 장황하게 서술하였습니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 가장 필요한 것은 간결하게 본인의 정보를 전달하는 것 입니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |