▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that the best activities that will be helpful to students are learning to play a sport or a musical instrument. However, in my opinion, gaining practical work experience by having a part-time job or volunteering is better for students for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, students can experience real job. it is beneficial for students to decide their major in the university. To be specific, experience is one of the most essential factors to succeed in this world. Imagine students only have textbook knowledge during their school life. Their views will be so narrow when determining their future dream. By experiencing practical work, students can not only gain diverse experience but also broaden their horizons of the dreams as well. For example, there was a survey conducted by a group of Hansung university students with 200 as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand their thought about the most conducive experience that help them to select their majors. An overwhelming 85% respondents replied that part-time job and volunteering were developed the eye to see the major that they want to study. develop the horizons of their study
On top of that, by doing part-time job and volunteering, students can widen their personal connections. To be specific, the meaning of success had changed completely compared to the past in comparison to the past. In the past, it was merely focusing on one's own way and excelling others, now it is different. People cannot be good on their own. Along with their ability, it is sometimes necessary to have people who can support them and help them out at hard times. In this sense, doing part-time job and volunteering can he helpful. For instance, i will talk about Lee and Kim to elucidate my point. In case of Lee, he does not have experience about part-time job. Unlike Lee, Kim always does part-time job on vacation. When they are in trouble. Lee doesn't have friend who could help him does not have friends who could help (독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말을 서술하면 안됩니다). On the other hand. Kim solve his problems by means of his friends. solves his problem from friends' help (kim은 단수 주어 입니다)
To sum up, doing part-time job and volunteering help students to broaden their eye to see world and increase personal connections. In this regard, gaining practical work experience is the best option
점수: 28 지적할 부분이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요한 부분을 차지하는 것은 설득력 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우에 있어서는 설득력은 부족함 없이 잘 설명하고 있습니다. 각 단락의 구체적 설명과 적절한 예시를 통하여서 왜 알바를 하는 것이 학생들에게 더 좋은지를 논리정연하고 구체적이게 잘 설명하고 있습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |