▶ Your Answer : agree
I think it is better for the government to
spend money on building new structures than preserving historic or traditional
buildings. There are two reasons for holding my
opinion. for the following two subsequent reasons (인트로에 적합하지 않습니다 훅도 없고 상대방 의견도 존재하지 않습니다)
The first reason is that the old building
may be dangerous in some situations. For example, the structure of historic
building in the Korea might not withstand when earthquake occurs near the
building. Because korean didn't have suffered the earthquake in the past, so
they didn't consider the possiblity of that the earthquake may attack the
building. Nowadays, however, several small earthquakes occur in there, so Korea
is safe zone pertaining to earthquake any more. Like this situation, there must be some
area which was not the dangerous zone about earthquake, volcano, or other but
now they are. When a devastating situation occurs, the building will collapsed,
then hit and smash many people up.
The second reason is that the structures become
useless as time passed by. A old building might have certain purpose,
but people don't use it at all. The kingdom cannot be used because now my
country doesn't have a king. The great wall does not useful because China can be
attacked by something flying. Their now pupose is just for a sightseeing. It is
more efficient to get rid of the old buildings and build new structure. If people
do that, they can use it very properly.
점수: 25 결론이 없는 독립형 에세이입니다. 독립형 에세이에서는 결론이 중요한 역할을 하고 있습니다. 결론이 담당하는 것은 전체적인 에세이 마무리 입니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서는 결론이 필요합니다. 결론을 꼭 서술하시길 바랍니다. 이러한 오류 이외에는 전체적으로 잘 서술된 독립형 에세이입니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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