When it comes to the person who is the best teacher, I will assert that parents are the best teachers.
-> When it comes to the person who is the best teacher 하면 가장 좋은 선생인 그 사람에 관해서는 이라느뜻입니다. When it comes to the issue of who the best teacher is, I assert that it is the parents.
Although someone argues the person who is the best teacher such as friends, brother or sister, -> Although some argue that the best teachers could be friends, brothers or sisters, (보편적으로 친구나 형동생이가장 좋은 선생이다라고 주장하는 사람들이 있다라고 단정짓기는 어려운것 같습니다) as I’m concerned,-> as far as I'm concerned, parents are the best teachers for these reasons: They have many experience and the sense of remembering methods whenever I talk to them. -> Their profound experience and memories are of great help. (what is sense of remembering methods?)
-> 전형적인 학원템플릿을 사용하고 계신데, 아직은 논리, 문법, 어휘적인 면이 다소 부족한것 같습니다.
First of all, they have the experience when I have in a trouble.-> Firs of all, they alredy have experienced the hardship I'm going through, which enables them to give me proper advice. It is easy for them to treat lots of problems because they might have in a trouble like me before. If I have in a trouble, I can always talk to them. For example, when I was a 7 years old, I’m so concerned about go to school everyday. I ask parents to decrease the fear of it. What surprise me is that they also are afraid of it in time they are young. They can make sure it for me that it was not the fear but the enjoyment. So, I can go to school everyday without the fear.
Not only that, they have a great sense of remembering methods. It is good for me to understand the questions easily, too. To illustrate, when I didn’t know how I can remember lots of the periodic table of elements in studying the science subject, they can give the tips of remembering method to me. It is only remembering the first word of elements. For example, hydrogen is h, oxygen is o and helium is he. It is very fun and become memorable for me. It is a story, revealing that parents are the best teachers.
-> 읽어보니 주제에서 벗어난 느낌이 드는것 같습니다.
부모들이 가장 좋은 선생이다라는것을 논증하기 위해서는
그외 다른 "가장 좋은 선생후보"들과 비교했을때 어떤 점이 차이가 나는지를 찾아내서
비교 서술하여야 합니다. 물론 내내 비교만하는것이 아니라, 한두문장으로 설명을 통해 그들과 구분을 지어주어야 한다는 것이죠. 경험이 있는것은 좋습니다만, 학교선생님, 형, 친구, 심지어는 옆집아저씨도 경험은 많습니다. 그들과 비교되는 점이 무엇인지 차이점이 무엇인지 비교하는 것에 초점을 맞춰 서술해주셔야 할것같습니다.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the above statement because we can achieve solves and remembering methods from many experiences. In this respect, there is no doubt that parents are the best teachers. |