아래 리플보고 수정 시도해봅니다.^^;; 저의 지적을 100%믿지는 마시고 참고해주세요.
We often come to several different types of classes such as lecture, discussion class and presentation class according to different teachers and subjects. Some people prefer to classes where only teachers talk to students while others like classes where the students do some of the talking. Although both classes have advantages, my own preference would be the class where students participate in for the reason of enhancing students’ power of thinking and maximizing the efficiency of learning.
First and foremost, classes where students do some of the talking enable students to develop their faculty of thinking. In the classes where only teacher talks, teachers just inject the(X) knowledge to the students so that students don’t(contraction 쓰지 마세요. 이하 c) have time to think in their own ways. To be specific, when I attended this type of accounting class, I was just busy writing down what teacher said and couldn’t(c) have enough time to arrange my opinion or thinking about the knowledge form(from) the lecture. On the other hand, in students talking classes, students are more likely to have opportunities to think of the themes and the subjects through by themselves. [A]Besides, students can reach better idea through sharing their views each other. As you can see, students involved classes are much better in point of developing students’ thinking power.
Moreover, classes in which students are allowed to participate are more efficient for students’ study than lectures. To illustrate, I majored in business, so that many of(X) classes such as marketing and finance classes which I took at the(my) university required students to debate or read papers. These classes encouraged me to get(X encourage와 중복) involved in discussions or presentations in a progressive attitude. Taking an active part in impassioned debates made me research and study more about that subject, and the knowledge acquired from that discussion classes has remained in my memory for a long time. Consequently, this learning process gave me a better understanding of the class. Hence, classes along with students’ participation are more beneficial for students in point of efficiency of study.
In conclusion, I strongly insist that students should take courses where students are allowed to be involved actively because this type of classes is helpful for enhancing their power of thinking and maximizing efficiency of their learning. If I have a right to choose a type class I would take, I would not choose the class where I just have to sit on the chair and listen the teacher's talking.
[A] : better에 대한 비교 대상이 없네요.(than이하) 그냥 students can reach conclusions effectively through~ 이렇게 적는건 어떨까요?
본론1 후반부와 본론2 내용이 겹치는 것 같아요. 차라리 본론1에서는 주입식 교육의 문제점만 비판하고, 본론2에서 토론식 수업의 장점을 분석하는 편이 좋을 듯 합니다. 전체적으로 논리는 괜찮은 것 같고 바로 아래의 제 글을 읽어보셨다니 더 자세한 사항은 생략할게요. 전체적으로 제가 지적한 것만 빼면 논리 흐름이 좋은 것 같아요. 한 가지 아쉬운 것이 있다면, 글 초반부에 'talk'이라는 단어를 많이 쓰시는 것 같은데 비슷한 의미로 instruct, teach, inform 등등 비슷한 의미 섞어쓰는 것이 좋을 듯 합니다. 그리고 student involved classes 등의 표현 시도 좋은 것 같습니다. 마찬가지로 선생이 일방적으로 강의 하는 것을 one-side lecture 등의 표현을 시도 하는 것도 좋을 것 같고, 만약 그런 단어 선택이 다소 애매해 질 수 있는 경우에는 동격의 ','를 사용해서 one-side lecture, an instruction without student and teacher interaction...이런식으로 하면 될 것 같네요. 제가 급조한 것이라 표현 자체에 대한 확신은 없지만 제가 무슨 말을 하는지는 아시리라 믿습니다. 제가 보기에는 5.0은 충분할 것 같은데요? 잘 쓰시네요. 좋은 결과 있으시길 바랍니다.