■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic :
Do you agree or disagree with the following
statement? Students should consider studying subjects related to the fields in
which significant job growth rate is expected even if they are more interested
in other fields.
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that it is better to
study subjects in relation to the fields in which significant job growth rate
is expected. Because one’s future job is closely related to earning money, many
parents tend to recommend their children to study of promising subjects like
medical field or the field of law. However, in my opinion, I strongly believe
that students should focus on the subject they are interested in. This is
because if they follow the trend of jobs, they will fail to enjoy their life.
In other words, if only a person pursues the
fields of growth rate job, the person cannot succeed in one’s enjoyable life. As
we all know, there are a wide arrays of professions in this world. Meanwhile,
each person has his or her own personality and preference. So, if students follow
the only jobs which seem to be good or great, they will neither enjoy their job
nor find the meaning of it. I will take my friend as an example. When she
was in middle school, she was really good at singing. So, many friends could
enjoy the song whenever she sang. Even teacher recommended her to be a singer,
saying that she would be definitely very famous singer in Korea. However, because
of her parents’ disagreement, she had to give up her dream. As her mother
wanted, she became a banker after graduating from college. However, her life was not
enjoyable, ending up being depressed. Until now, she should intake depression medicine
for her relaxing.
To sum up, as I mentioned above, students
should do what they want because of the fact that the job is clearly connected
with their happiness. In this regard, I affirm that it is not the best for
students to study only promising subject without their interest.
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1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. conclusion의 분량을 3문장 이상으로 늘려주세요.
3. because로 문장을 시작하지 말아주세요.
4. 사소한 문법 오류가 잦은 편입니다. proof-reading을 꼼꼼하게 해주세요.
5. 토플 에세이의 기본적인 구성은 서론 - 본론 1 - 본론 2 - 결론입니다.
그런데 지금 본론 2가 빠져있는 것을 확인하실 수 있습니다.
다른 reason 하나를 더 써주시면 구조상으로 더 보기 좋은 에세이가 될 듯합니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*