■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
|
|
▶ Topic: There is no better way to get to know a country than by going to museums |
|
|
▶ Your Answer: It is well to put to people one question, namely, is it the best method to go to museums with respect to knowing country? Some might argue that there are far more effective ways to get versed in a country. However, it is one of the biggest misconceptions that people think the chances of other ways to get versed in a country with the exception of museums. This is because museums not simply have the most convenient way to learn other country's culture but also provide a multitude of artifacts. First and foremost, museums are one of the most excellent places which have an array of artifacts. It gives an opportunity for people to learn about other country's culture very easily. For example, when I was an undergraduate student, the professor gave students assignments with respect to the culture of other countries. I totally lost how I can (도치 개념) solve assignments he gave me. I asked my parents and they told me to go to museums in the city I live in. It will not long before they told me, I went to museums which were full of an array of artifacts. I studied with regard to the culture of the other countries and I was versed in many countries. Finally, I could solve my the arduous tasks which the professor assigned and got a good grade in the class. Through those experiences, it goes without saying that museums provide an array of the treasured artifacts of a country. Without museums, I could not have solved my taxing assignments. On top of that, museums are one of the most convenient places where we can visit whenever possible. To be specific, we can visit museums whenever we want at low expense by subway or car. For example, when I was a teenager, I wanted to spend my free time with not spending my pocket money, for my parents did not give me a great deal of money. One day, my friends suggested me to visit museums in the city we live. I suspected that those places would be so boring and tedious and it will be expensive. However, I was amazed to find a variety of things with low expenses. After that day, I usually spent my free time in museums over the course of childhood. If it were not for museums, I could not have spent my childhood with enthusiasm. Based on those experiences, it is needless to say that museums are one of the effective places where we can spend our free time. To sum up, it is imperative that people should go to museums when they need to know a country, for the (새로운 문장으로 시작해주세요) more we visit the museums, the greater the likelihood that people will get versed in a wide range of countries. In this regard, I firmly believe that museums are (주어 동사 불일치) the most essential resource for knowing other countries of all the resources. |
|
1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. 문장이 전체적으로 굉장히 길고 늘어지는 감이 있습니다.
가독성도 떨어지고 문법 오류의 위험도 크니 컴마 사용을 서서히 줄이시면서 문장을 짧고 간결하게 유지해주세요.
긴 문장이 항상 좋은 것은 아닙니다!
3. 문장이 너무 난해하고 문법 실수도 매우 많습니다.
문법의 기본에 충실하되 쓸데없는 "멋져보이는" 단어들을 다 제거해주세요.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*