Dear ZZanga:
I made some comments on your introduction and the first body paragraph. I hope you find this useful.
Cheers,
We explore face a wide variety of challenges during ain our life. A substantial number of people argue that only hard working is enough for success. On The the other hand, some people insist that to be successful, luck should be followed accompanied after along with hard work. I firmly believe that hard working is very important, but luck is also requested required to obtain success, because luck enables people to have a high better opportunity and to achieve a full ability for success[C1] .
First of all, Luck luck plays a decisive role in providing more high opportunity opportunities to possess success. It is largely because even if working from morning to night for all weeks, someone have failed several times because of the outside condition which are totally not relate with themselves.[C2] For example, JO SU-MIJo, Su-Mi, the a worldwide famous soprano signer, was born in a wealthy family so she could take music lessons that cost 100 dollars per hour. There is no question that she are trying tried to do her best[C3] , but I powerfully believe that some part of her success is due to her affluent circumstance, which is definitely depends on luck. If she was born to povertyin a poor family so that she would had to worried worry every day meals, could she become one of the greatest soprano signers? Definitely, I’ll would say “NONo!”. Even if working very hard to be a soprano by herself, she would not have had a chance to study abroad and become the worldwide popular soprano.[C4] If it had not been for luck, she would not have had the world famous soprano.
[C1]I am not sure what you mean by this.
[C2]You need to revise this. I am so confused what you are trying to say and there are many grammatical mistakes in this particular sentence.
[C3]For what?
[C4]I see your point, but this argument are not very powerful because there are many other great singers from poor family who may be more famous than