It is debatable whether the higher education has to be offered to all students or only to good students. Although some people argue that only good students can go to university because of the focused education and the worth of degree[J1] , I strongly believe the opportunity has to be provided to every student for preventing serious competition to enter university and right to study.
On the one hand, I assert that higher education has to be available to every student. [J2] One of the main reasons is it will decrease the serious competition to enter university. For instance, in
On the other hand, giving providing the chance of to get higher education to only good students also has positive aspects. Above all, it can be more focused education[J9] for students whose academic capacity is excellent. For example, we often see hear the news which informs that researchers of in university found out developed a new theory about science or society. As university get acquire a degree, it will not be estimated assumed as worthy as it is supposed to be. According to the research performed by KJR, Korean Job Research,[J13] academic degree is one of the most crucial factors when most companies hire their employees. to be considered for employment of most companies. As a result, degrees need to be qualified.[J14]
In conclusion, even though I understand the advantages of giving opportunities of higher education to only good students, I am confident the advantages of giving opportunities to every student far outweigh them. Not only do these advantages include stopping high competition for entering university, but also the right to study to everyone.
[J1]What do you mean by this?
[J2]I do not think you need to say this because you have already asserted your stance in your thesis.
[J3]Not necessary
[J4]How about “many other important abilities to develop”?
[J5]This sentence is too long. Please break this down to two separate sentences.
[J6]Even for higher education? Says who? You need to provide information for this argument.
[J7]How about “their school grade is not high enough”?
[J8]You need a reason why you think this is not fair despite the fact those students’ grade is not high enough.
[J9]What do you mean? Please be more specific.
[J10]This reasoning is not plausible because the researchers in Harvard are not necessarily enrolled as students in Harvard. In addition, researchers are generally who have a Ph.D in a sepecific field not the students.
[J11]What is “the high academic results”?
[J12]Again, it is very vague.
[J13]The proper way to introduce acronym is: Korean Job Reaserch (KJR)
[J14]I do not understand what you mean.
[J15]This whole paragraph is against your thesis. I think this paragraph seriously weaken your thesis.