> > 2010-09-13 20:57:51, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer | |
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Topic :
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Only people who earn a lot of money are successful.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. | |
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As we today live in the era of capitalism, money is often mistakenly considered as the ultimate goal that people head toward. Although it is undeniable that money accounts for a large part in our daily life, I strongly disagree with the given statement that "only people who earn a lot of money are successful." The reasons are because there sure have been great people who lived for others for no mercenary purpose and because being successful regarding money is not about making money, but about spending it well.
To start with, there clearly are countless of people around us who are successful although they do not make large sum of money. There are prominent yet poor educators, politicians and religionists who live for others. Simply the best example would be "Mother Theresa." Mother Theresa devoted her entire life living for others without any mercenary purpose, yet she is one of the most respected successful person in our history. She neither had any money, nor earned any money, but it is not arguable that she was highly successful in her career both as a religionist and social worker.
Next, grant granted that being successful is linked with money, yet it is not about making large amount of money,granted를 사용한 의도가 뭔가요? :) 문장이 잘 이해가 안가네요 but about how to spend the large amount of money well. There are countless of entrepreneurs who have built multi-billion dollar companies, yet there are only a few who are known to be successful because majority of people value how those business men serve the society rather than simply how much they make.
body가 내용은 좋으나 길이가 약간 짧은듯하네요. 오히려 Intro가 더 긴듯합니다. 길이가 점수의 잣대는 아니지만, 내용면에서 그만큼 풍부하게 설명해야 한다는 것입니다. :)
To conclude, there sure can be the claim that only people who make large amount of money are successful because we are living in the system of capitalism. However, I strongly disagree with the argument because first, there are greatly successful people who did not make any money, and next because spending money wisely is more successful than making a lot of money.
내용전개는 잘 하시는듯 합니다. 약간만 더 복잡한 어휘랑 문장을 사용하는 연습을하시면 좋을듯해요 :)
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30점 목표로 달리고 있습니다. 냉정한 평가와 조언 부탁드립니다ㅠㅠ
감사합니다. 복 받으시길 기원합니다.