■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer
▶ Topic : A teacher's earnings should be based on his or her students' performance.
▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that teachers should earn the different amount of money based on the accomplishment of their students. However, in my opinion, the income of a teacher should not be adjusted determined by the students' grades. This is because there are diverse factors which determine the performance of students, and teachers are able to have their students learn endlessly to earn more money.
To begin with, the performance of a student depends on a great deal of components. It is inevitable that those who are have different in respect of family background surroundings, the amount of efforts exerted, and a personal talent acquire different grades. (Awkward sentence) Therefore, the ability of a teacher does not solely determine the performance of a student. It should be uneasy for teachers to earn the different amount of money by what cannot be controlled by them. (What is that?) For example, a study was conducted by the Department of Education in Seoul National University to determine whether the capability of a teacher influences the performance of students most greatly. There were two groups monitored. The first group was formed of high school students who have studied more than five hours a day until then. The latter group consisted of those who attend a high school and have not put effort into studying. Both of the groups were asked to solve the same problem set after taking a class from the same teachers. What the researchers found was intriguing. The students in the former group scored much better than those in the latter. This was because the amount of time students have spent on learning was significantly different, although they were taught by the same instructors. The result of this research plainly demonstrates that there are a variety of factors which contribute to the accomplishment of students.
On top of that, teachers can regard their students as a tool for earning money. (So that?) Since the level of teachers' lifestyle (Unclear Point) can become different by students, they have no choice but to view them as money-making gadgets. Thus, instructors will be more likely to make them study more and more regardless of their personal situations. For instance, when I was a second grade student in middle school, teachers were graded by the average score of their classes., and the Its result of this evaluation was used in determining the amount of bonus income. After the notice, teachers drove us to study after the time to go back home and even on weekends. Although there was my friend who was too sick to continue to study, my teacher did not let him take a rest. Come to think of it, it was only a pain which left after that incident, even though we eventually achieved the best score in school. As this case reveals, students can be considered as a simple tool for making teachers earn more money.
To sum up, the level that students achieve (Score? You mean?) is not solely dependent on teachers' ability, and instructors are able to make their students study hard exceedingly. Hence, the distribution of money based on students' accomplishment is a stress factor to both students and teachers. In this regard, I firmly believe that it is not good fine to determine teachers' income by the performance of their students.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence |
점수 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 3 |
Score | Fair 18-23 | - 첫 번째 주장인 같은 교사에게 수업을 받아도 결과가 다른 점을 핵심포인트로 잘 지적하여 주셨습니다. - 두 번째는 주장에서부터 부정적인 결과에 대해서 밝혀주세요. - 부정확한 표현이 다소 많으므로, 올바른 표현을 사용할 수 있도록 해주세요. |