▶ Your Answer : Some people who believe that salary is the most important when they choose their job might say that although it is risky, they should only consider the high salary. However, I disagree with them for two reasons concerning the fact security can’t be ignored when it comes to the advantages secure job will give to you. First of all, in order to think about the anxiety that risky job causes, it is better for people to follow the low salary and secure job. In a sense, it is true that money is valuable, because with the money, people can buy what they need and enjoy their leisure time. However, they should concern the future when they lose their work even how to put bread on the table. Suppose that as a result of risky job, you finally lose it. Will be there enough money to live for your remaining life? Or will it be easy to get a new career? Absolutely not. The most important matter at this point is not earning much income during short period but maintain a job you already have until it is prepared to quit. By understanding this, it is easier for people to make a choice. Moreover, as far as happiness with the job is concerned, it is necessary to put the security into the first priority. As one said“Money will not satisfy you forever.”, people should not consider money as the main factor to get a job. Whatever you do, there is no greater way than having a career that you love and working while you want to do. A study conducted by the National Statistical Office is a good example of this. The researchers tracked the people who have high level of happiness, in order to find out the correlation between happiness and security of job. What they found was intriguing. Over 80% of respondents had secure jobs ,and they said that job was greatly influential to them in spite of low salary. The reason was that with a secure job, they could get a high motivation and enjoyment. In other words, the job offered them a meaningful happiness which could not achieve through money. In conclusion, people can’t feel comfortable with an unstable job, but they can be happy with secure job though they earn less money. In this regard, choosing a low salary and secure job is better than high salary and risky job.
전체적인 내용이나, 주장 자체는 괜찮은 편입니다. 다만 이를 문장으로 옮길 때, 문장력이나 문법, 어휘등이 약간 부족해보입니다. 어휘 같은 경우에는 문장에 그렇게 잘 어울리지 않는 부분도 보이고, 문장의 흐름이 끊기는 듯한 부분도 약간씩 보이는게 가장 아쉬운 거 같습니다. 그리고 예시 하나를 들어줬다면 더 좋았을 거 같습니다. (study말고요) |