■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : :Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One’s job is more important for happiness than one’s personal relationships. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
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▶ Your Answer : Some people say that for happiness of life, we should take the job as the (올바른 관사) first priority than other factors since it provides us money and satisfaction of achievement. However, others say that for the happiness we must consider the relationship with the others as first. For me, I strongly believe that personal relationship is much more crucial for happiness of my life for the (관사) following reasons.
First of all, (띄어쓰기) personal relationship can not be minimized due to the importance of the job. More detail, many of people put a lot of value on job for a success on one's fields. Thus for the achievement from the job they sacrifice their relationship. However, it is worthless without fundamental relationship with surroundings. For example, my father was workaholic. He liked to enjoy taking praise from the co-workers and because of the enthusiastic working at company I do not have special memory about friendly father. Thus, now he regrets past time when he did not care about family.
Second, relationship is mutual happiness so it can be bigger than one from job. Whenever we have relationship with others, we change the feelings and response to each other (each + 단수명사 입니다) . This physical and emotional changes and response make happiness to propagate. In addition, when we feel down, we are able to heal from the relationship though the friends or family. This kind of functional effect can not be expected from the job.
In conclusion, I undoubtedly argue that for the everlasting happiness of one's life, we should consider personal relationship first, (since는 단독으로 쓰일 수 없습니다) since it gives us lateral and changeable happiness from each other. (대소문자 구분) In addition, based on my experience, if someone spends (주어 동사 불일치) excessive energy and time for job, they will loose real happiness of life. |
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1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. 철자 오류가 잦은 편입니다. 심한 감점의 요인이 될 수 있으니, 에세이 작성을 마치시고 꼼꼼히 검토해주세요.
+) 단어를 외우실 때 스펠링을 집중적으로 외워주세요.
3. 두 번째 바디 문단에 personal example이 추가되면 좋을 것 같습니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*