▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, taking care of pets
plays a significant role in people’s lives in many of the places where they
work or play. Some people think that people spend too much money on their pets
though there are many things money ought to be spent on, while others do not. 이 문장이 뭘 말하려고 하는지 모르겠어요. 특히 while others do not은 무슨 의미로 적은 건가요? Both sides may have
their own reasons to support their views. If I asked to choose one, I would say
that it worth spending the large amounts of money on pets people are raising up.
There are several reasons as follows. To begin with, looking after pets
allows people to realize the importance of being responsible. Having pets requires
them means many obligations such as managing time, abiding by rules,무슨 법규를 말하는 건가요? and respecting
animals. When they have fulfilled those obligations, people are likely to
improve the sense of their responsibility. For example, my youngest brother used
to be lazy and selfish. However, he has changed little by little after he started
to do all the things that his dog was needed sufficiently on time. He realized
that his punctuality could help him to be able to make 너무 돌려돌려 말하는 느낌입니다. his dog staying healthy,
while his laziness and selfishness would affect his dog negatively. Naturally,
he became more prompt with time, performed his tasks better, and even
encouraged others to be more diligent and responsible. Although all the things
he has done have taken a lot of money, it worth it. Without those experiences, he could still have
been irresponsible.
In brief, I strongly believe that the
advantages of spending sufficient money on one’s pets far outweigh its disadvantages
for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of putting enough
effort on pets cannot be overestimated. Moreover, this trend will continue and
pass down to the next generation.
말을 할 때 약간 사족이 많은 스타일인 것 같습니다. point바로 straight forward하게 말할 수 있도록 연습하면 좋을 것 같아요. 그리고 several reasons as follows라고 했는데 main paragraph가 하나밖에 없습니다. main reason은 2개 이상 들어주는 게 설득력에 도움이 됩니다. conclusion에서 저렇게 다른 이야기만 하면 안 되고 무슨 주장을 했는지 정확하게 적어줘야 합니다 |