▶ Your Answer :
It is difficult
to fathom what others think, but my opinion in regard to the given statement is
adamant. I firmly believe that universities should spend as much money on
sports as they do on libraries for two compelling reasons which I will explore
in the following essay.
First and
foremost, sport activities encourage students to interact with one another. Modern
society admittedly requires people who surpass both in specialty and sociability. 문장 성립이 어색합니다. To be more specific, it is essential anyone to learn how to integrate with others
and maintain strong relationships. Therefore, given the need of collaboration and
collective effort, practicing regularly and hanging out together after practice
is more vital in building a more promising future. Because it provides with the
perfect opportunities to have a pleasant memory and strengthen relationships
with classmates. According to a study by conducted by Seoul National University
of Korea, more than 78 percent of respondents answered that they were strongly
influenced by group sports in high school. strongly라기보다는 positive하게 영향 받았다를 조금 더 강조했으면 좋았을 거 같습니다. They also responded that if it had
not been for physical education class, they might not have been able to maintain
close relationships.
Moreover, people
can find emotional satisfaction and happiness by participating in sports activities
because it is effective for boosting their moods. Today, many students are
weary with work overload. By joining sports club, however, they can temporarily
forget about problems and gain some breathing space. In this respect, sports activity
can be a great means of invigorating their minds. My personal experience can be
used to prove this point. Every morning, I have to get through traffic
congestion to go to school and read through countless books. 아침이라고 했으니 congestion에 point를 맞추면 좋을 거 같습니다. To make matters
worse, I get exhausted coping with my teachers. Hence PE class become my favorite
part of my school life. 왜 favorite이 되었는지가 설명이 더 자세하게 나와줘야 합니다. Indeed, during this brief period of enjoyment, I am
able to alleviate tension and better prepare myself for the upcoming days.
To sum up, athletics make people happy and
create opportunities for social interaction among students. In this regard, I
think universities should provide as much as funding for students’ sport activities
as they do for their libraries.
어휘가 문장과 어울리지 않는 부분이 많이 보이는 것 같습니다. 문장을 적을 때 해당 어휘의 뜻과 쓰임새를 정확하게 알고 적는 게 좋습니다. 이 문장이 앞 문장과 연결이 자연스러운지, 빼먹은 information은 없는지 여러번 체크하고 적어 줘야 합니다. 그리고 다른 사람들이 쓴 글 많이 읽어보고 좋은 표현 공부하면 좋을 거 같아요
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