▶ Your Answer : It is debatable whether being patient is a good way. This is an intriguing question because opinions concerning this issue can be different relying on depending on the individual perspective. In my opinion, however, I support that we show our emotions and thoughts to others for the following reasons : to cause productive debate and to reduce our stress.
First of all, being patient is a bad way because it prevent us from communications that teach us what other people's idea. To be specific, nowadays are very complex society so many people has a lot of different viewpoints about specific circumstance. nowadays people are living in complex society. As we are social animal, we have to understand others. The more complex the society are, the more effort need to understand others. For example, I was always being patient when I met my girlfriend. I thought that it is kind of love because when i tried to be patient, I could keep us from fighting. However, It was not a solution. My effort to understand her is not lasting forever. does not last forever So when I couldn't endure anymore, I bursted to her. It make the situation even worse and makes the situation worse (it은 단수주어 입니다) I almost broke up with her. If I have told her what I feel when I just felt it, we would solve the problem more easily.
In addition, not being patient has had a positive impact on people because it has helped relieve stress and restore health. To be specific, advances in technology and transportation allow people to contact others and travel long distances more quickly, which makes them better manage stress, maintain health, and build a quality life. Stress is the main cause of disease and dissatisfying life. Therefore, people in modern society should actively find ways to reduce stress and stay healthy. For instance, an experiment show shows (experiment는 단수 주어 입니다) that when someone are suppressed is suppressed (someone는 단수 주어 입니다) to express themselves, it can continue to specific illness which is caused by stress. Children who are controlled by their strict parents talk even less. They experienced interplaying obstacle with others. If they express themselves more, they wouldn't endure the disease . In conclusion, I firmly believe that being patient is not good to people's progress. All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been efficiently and precisely delivered with the reason mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future.
점수: 22 일단 단수 복수 주어에 따른 동사 형태에 대한 오류들이 많이 보입니다. 이런 부분은 기초적인 부분이기 때문에 항상 에세이를 서술하면서 숙지하시길 바랍니다. 또한 전체적으로 어색한 표현들이 많습니다. 이러한 표현들은 에세이 플로우를 방해하지 제가 지적한 부분들을 숙지하며넛 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |