▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that exerting spending time to one or two intimated peers has several benefits since it can help people build dedicated emotion. (What's that exactly?) However, I personally disagree with the above idea for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, people can promote sociability through spending time with a variety of pals. To be specific, if people made various friends who have diverse back grounds, they would have more chances to experience diversity and realize it. In contrast, people who have only one or two pals are not likely to perceive the gap between them and others. A survey was conducted by Korea University in 2000 with 300 citizens as respondents. The purpose of it was to understand the consensus view whether the size of close friends group could affect people's social behaviors. The majority had admitted the statement. The overwhelming of 87% had claimed that the more friends people have the more opportunities to be sociable, since people can accumulate various experiences by dealing with diverse human relationship. The poll shows that the extent of friends can tell how social he or she is.
On top of that, friends people have can be useful resources for society activities. (What is that?) It is highly likely that the range of friends can define the extent that people can reach. To explain, if people have one or two friends, they cannot help earning assists only from that one or those two, which limit the range of social activities. (Awkward sentence) When people graduate from schools and get jobs, it would be helpful to make friends as many as possible. For example, I will talk about my friend Tom's experience to illustrate this point. When he graduate from (Name)university, he had only one best me as his friend - me. He wanted to get a job in the field of law, yet he could not have a chance to contact people who were engaged in that area that subject. Since my major was art painting, I could not help him. He started to join the social meeting, like book reading club, bicycle riding club. Finally, he could make a lot of friends there, who suggested him. Through this experience, I realized that friends can be helpful for one's future, thus making amounts of pals has several merits in society.
To sum up, exhausting having a good time with a lot of friends can enhance people's social abilities and be useful assistants for social life. In this regard, I firmly believe that sizable number of peers has more advantages than a small amount of friends.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3
| 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 17-19 | - exert 라는 단어는 주로 power와 자주 쓰입니다. 시간을 가지다/보내다~라는 spend/have time가 가장 일반적이에요.
- 첫 번째는 diversity라는 이유에 초점을 크게 맞추신 것 같네요. 그러나, experiment 에서의 근거; 다양한 경험을 배울 수 있다. 뿐, 어떠한 경험인지 어떠한 다양성인지에 대한 내용이 충분히 제시되어 있지 않습니다. - 두 번째는 society activity라는 설명을 단락 초기에 언급해주셔야하며, law firm interview연결부분 역시 있을법한 내용으로 자연스럽고, 상세히 표현해주시는 것이 좋겠습니다.
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