▶ Your Answer : Some people might think that today young people are not better able to make decisions about their own lives. However, in my opinion, these day younger people young people in these days are independent more than past. There are two reasons. First, increasing single life. second, changing situation. I will explain my views in the following sentences.
To begin with, there are majority of people who live alone. To put it again, they should decied to something by themselves. For instance, in the past people lived in house with parents and grand parents until they got married. So it was necessary to ask advice of older people. Constractively, nowdays people get information by themselves without parent's help. Because they live alone and it is choice to ask their parents. This shows that people (from where?) are able to make decisions better than last people.(what is last people?)
Next, there are many changes compared to the past. That is to say, new technology leads people to different environment. For instance, my grand father selected job among few fields such as industry or farm. Because a myriad of people believed that job was only purpose to earn money. While today the number of diverse job opportunities be made up by industrialization. It generates latest career paths like creater of video and cartoon writer which have never since before. So I can chose another path in various jobs to fit my interest. This supports that various opportunities make modern people independent. 이 예시가 어떻게 주장이나 토픽에 적절하게 들어맞는지 모르겠습니다.
To sum up, independence is more important in contemporary. This is mainly because of another way to live and different environment with past. In this regard, I strongly think that young people have a capability to decide by themselves.
우선 문법 오류가 굉장히 많은데, 예를 들어 to 부정사가 나오는 위치나, 콤마가 들어가야하는 위치를 헷갈리거나 명사의 순서를 반대로 쓰는 등 기본적인 문장 오류가 꽤 많은 편입니다. 수일치 오류도 굉장히 많고, spelling오류도 많은 편입니다. 제 생각엔 기본적인 문법 복습과, 문장 쓰기 연습이 많이 병행되어야 할 거 같습니다 |