▶ Your Answer :
It is of great importance to keep the
environment clean and safe not just for our generation but also for our future
generation. For this reason, a great amount of effort and money is put dealing
with this matter by individually and government. It appears that most of the
people agree that reducing the usage of a plastic bag is the best idea rather
than facilitating the public transportation or building a park or planting a
tree. I also have a same opinion with respect to this issue and the reasons are
as follows.
First and the foremost, It costs
less money compared to other options and it is effective in a short period of
time. Building a park or planting a tree needs to be put a lot of public fund.
If a local community does not have enough budget for that, they can not afford
to do that policy. Plus, encouraging people to use the public transportation
takes a lot of time to be make it work because it needs people's awareness of
that and taking it action also not guaranteed. However, lowering less use of a
plastic bag barely makes people use money and It can be implanted right away
too.
On
top of that, using less plastic bag is also is to be acted by individually and
instantly. My personal experience is a
good example of this to support this idea. The store I usually go starts to
charge the fee for the plastic bag by complying the local community law. Since then, I have been trying to carry my
own shopping bag when I shop and I also feel very satistifed with my action
that I help to keep the environment. Without this, I would keep using the
plastic bag for its convinience.
To
sum up, so as to enhance the environment in a local community is done by
reducing use of a plastic bag because It does not cost money and easy to act it
out by individually.
다른 paragraph에 비해 introduction이 너무 긴 편입니다. 토픽에 있는 말 그대로 다 적을 필요는 없고 paraphrase해서 simple하게 작성하는게 가장 좋습니다. 주장 자체는 아주 논리적이고 이에 대한 supporting detail들도 자세하게 잘 작성되어 에세이 전체의 가독성은 좋은 편입니다. paragraph간의 balance잘 맞도록 작성하시는 것이 중요합니다
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