■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : Some people think that it is a good idea to buy a new technological device as soon as it is available. Others think that it is better to wait until many people have bought it. Which do you think is better? |
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people prefer to buy a brand-new electronic device as soon as it is out on the market. However, I personally believe that it is far better to be patient and not spend any money on anything until you feel certain of buying it. This is because it is risky and not economical to buy an unverified product.
To begin with, it is always worthwhile to gather enough information on what people say about the device, after actually using it. We should go through as many reviews as possible to double check whether our purchase would be a valid one. For instance, I bought a new smartphone right after it was available and got so disappointed, regretting my decision. Its features were not anything like what I had expected and it had many technical problems. On the other hand, one of my friends who was also planning to get the phone, waited and carefully compared what he had imagined it to be to what the users said and ended up not buying it.
On top of that, we might get a better deal if we wait. The price would go down, allowing for much more chances of decreasing price with the same device. This has been illustrated by a study conducted by the National Center for Customer Rights. The price of a newly launched product has always been overpriced, especially when it’s an electronic appliance. After six to twelve months it has been out on the market, the price shows a declining tendency and the the faster it had reached its peak of sales, the more quickly the price goes down.
In conclusion, brand-new technological products are yet to demonstrate whether they are worth such a high price. In this regard, I hold that it is more beneficial to consumers to wait a while until many people have used the products.
에세이 조리있게 잘 작성하였습니다. 전체적인 주장이나, 이에 대한 supporting detail도 논리있게 작성해주셔서, 전체적인 설명 아주 이해하기 좋았습니다. 아쉬운 점은 어휘의 반복성입니다. 새로워보이는 어휘는 거의 없는 편이고, 문장 구조나 어휘가 이전에 나왔던 것과 비슷하게 반복되는 형식이라 읽으면서 가독성 부문이 약간 아쉬웠던 것 같습니다. |
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첨삭 부탁드립니다!! 감사합니다. 좋은하루 되세요!!