▶ Your Answer : The issue here is whether parents should
set strict rule for their children if they succeed in life or not. In my
opinion, I strongly believe that the strict rules are not necessary for kids to
obtain successful life and my view can be greatly substantiated by the reasons addressed
below, which is related to a sense of responsibility and misbehavior. To begin with, if parents allow their children to do whatever they wanted to do and take the corresponding result, it will be a good
chance for kids to learn a sense of responsibility. They can judge for
themselves what is right and wrong while experiencing trials and errors. A study
conducted by Seoul National University to determine whether self decision
making process could affect a sense of responsibility. There were two groups
monitored. The first group was formed of children who were raised in rigid
atmosphere. The other group consisted of children who were given free mood home
environment. Two groups were asked to organize their schedules like having lunch
or watching TV or something else. The researchers compared the outcomes and recorded
that the group who were in free environment were able to choose easily whereas
the other group’s kids couldn’t decided anything. This is because the former group
got familiar with their strict rules and had no choice to hesitate.
On top of that, strict rules can lead
children to misbehave. They could be so stressed that they would like to get
rid of those harsh environments. I will talk about my own experience to
illustrate this point. When I was 13 years old, my parents forced me to follow
their policies like coming back to home at 4pm or not eating instant food at
all. Since I couldn’t have any chance to meet my friends after school, it felt like stuck in a rut to me. Eventually, I broke the rules and didn’t come back
home until midnight and that made me in a very dangerous situation. From that
time, my parents would loose their rules and I could enjoy daily life like my
peer usually do. Through this experience, I realized rigid rules could be very dangerous
to young children.
To sum up, it is very harmful for children’s
emotion to impel harsh rules in a view point from a sense of responsibility and
wrong doing. In this regard, I think that it is bad idea to set strict rules
for children.
첫번째 reason서술한 paragraph같은 경우에는 study관련한 내용이 대부분을 차지하였는데, 이렇게 되면 글쓴이 본인의 주장은 별로 없는 것 같아서 조금 아쉽습니다. 이러한 예시나 study같은 경우는 쓰면 물론 좋지만, paragraph의 대부분이 이걸로 형성되면 전체적인 이해도는 떨어질 듯 합니다. 어휘는 대부분 기본적인 어휘에 많이들반복되는 듯 하여 조금 아쉽습니다.
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