■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. Your response will be judged on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic :the benefits of participating in club activities are not as many as that you can get from academic studies. AG/DIS |
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▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that the benefits of participating in club activities are not as many as those (단수/복수) you can get from academic studies. However, in my opinion, I believe that the club activities can give a bunch of benefits for students rather than (철자오류) academic studies. This is because people can meet a lot of people through the club activity and this can help you experience a various things.
To begin with, the club activities can be very beneficial for people since those make people meet a lot of people. These days, the importance of a wide range of relationship with various people is growing. This society is a human network oriented world. (새로운 문장으로 시작해주세요) therefore, people need to build a wide friendship with others. People need a broadened (p.p) relationships because they can help when you are in trouble or in need of help. For example, when I was a high school student, my goal was to enter the university in USA. I prepared for this really hard, but there was (시제 -> 과거 시제) a serious problem with finding a home to stay in the California. So I told my friend about my situation, and surprisingly the friend said that she has one uncle who is (주어 동사 불일치) living in California so she might ask him for help. Thanks to my friend, I could find a fancy room to live with reasonable price and solved the problem easily. After that experience, I noticed the importance of human relationship.
On top of that, people can experience a variety of things through the club activity. I do admit that academic study can help people to grow their ability in specific field. However, it is not the tex book knowledge that you have, but the experience that you gain from a real world, that makes you succeed in the future. As the society is becoming more complex, companies require more than just a textbook knowledge. For instance, my older sister had a goal to get into SAMSUNG which is considered as the best paying job in Korea. In order to achieve her goal, she studied really hard and got a perfect grade in university. However, she failed to get in the company because she was lack of a standing out experience such as a club activity. This shows the importance of the variety of special activities in this society.
To sum up, I think that the club activities can give a bunch of benefits for students rather than (철자오류) academic studies since people can meet a lot of people through the club activity and this can help you experience a various things. In this regard, I disagree with the statement that the benefits of participating in club activities are not as many as those (단수/복수) you can get from academic studies.
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1. 단어 people에 대한 동어 반복이 상당히 자주 일어나고 있습니다. |
동의어와 대명사를 적극적으로 활용하셔서 동어 반복을 줄여주세요.
2. 사소한 문법 오류가 잦은 편입니다. proof-reading을 꼼꼼하게 해주세요.
특히 주어 동사 일치와 관사 사용/단복수에 주의해주세요.