문제:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to learn about foreign countries from newspapers and magazines than to visit those countries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
답:
Some people think that experiencing just from newspapers and magazines is enough to know foreign countries. However I think that the media cannot suppress visiting. The direct visiting is the best way to learn other countries. This is mainly due to lively information and motivation.
To begin with, visiting is more detailed than writings. To be specific, there are native people in the country. If we do not (줄임말 사용을 지양해주세요) know something about the country, we can ask them directly. By doing so, we can also obtain some useful information. For example, a few years ago, my friend gave me some information with pictures that there is a very delicious juice store in Shanghai, China. It seemed very delicious, so I decided to go directly. In reality, after a few months, I visited Shanghai, but I could not (시제 -> 과거) find the store. I had to ask have asked the native where it is, and they let me know how to go specifically. Besides, they gave me the better information. It was that the second store was became chain store that is even nearer from where I was. This is because due to the fact that the second store has opened recently, foreign people except the natives, could not know about it. Thus I could enjoy the juice more comfortably (품사) and got useful information.
On top of that, there is difference between experiencing and just seeing through newspapers and magazines. To explain, visiting other countries can make people feel refreshed. This is the reason why people choose a trip as a hobby. To give an anecdote, when I was in middle school, in history class, we learned about Europe history. At that time, because we who only focused on studying were fascinated in the remains of Europe, the regions were main topic of our talking. After the semester, a classmate had a trip in Europe in vacation and she recommended us to go there directly. This is because the real shapes were more charming than seeing in a textbook and it makes her energetic. After that specific incident, I realized that visiting regions is important.
To sum up, if you want detailed information, visiting the country is best choice. Moreover, it helps people motivate to live strongly. In this regard, I firmly believe that it is better to learn from visiting other countries rather than newspapers and magazines.
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3. 사소한 문법 오류가 잦은 편입니다. proof-reading을 꼼꼼하게 해주세요.
4. To begin with, visiting is more detailed than writings.
-> visiting이 locals들만 아는 tips들을 얻을 수 있는 기회다
이런 식으로 토픽 센텐스를 다듬어주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다.