▶ Your Answer :
In school, students learn how to live in the specific society (What is it?) as adults. Among their learning, some of their most important subjects in this lesson are society and politics. (Awkward sentence) Through the course, students earn the knowledge of numerous important ideas like how the government system works, and how political issues including the argument from the conservative party and the progressive party arise and etc. In these lectures, some teachers show their own opinions on the issues to encourage the students to express their own ones. However, this practice should be eradicated for the following reasons. To begin with, young students are easily influenced by the exposure to the opinions of the others. It is of great significance for the modern civilian to have an ability to make their own thoughts about the conflicting topics in the society. others. However, as students are going through the preparation time, (What is the preparation time?) they are not fully developed of this ability, making them vulnerable to be influenced by others. For example, when I was in high school, the class opened a debate about whether the construction of garbage disposal center should be built near the area. At first, the half of the students argued that the building is necessary for the well-being of all, despite of the discomforts like the smell that would follow accordingly. The other half asserted that it should not be built. Surprisingly, after the teacher explained his own idea of supporting the construction, it turned out that a majority of the students concurred to his opinion in the end. Therefore, teachers should avoid expressing to express their opinions on social and political issues, as they can impact the thinking of the students unintentionally. On top of that, teachers are the people who are obliged not to to not take any sides in the conflicting political issues. This is due to the fact that tutors in schools are a part of the government officials. The law of most states prohibits the teachers to not take any of the position in the debatable issues. As in the case of soldiers and officials, such attempts of violating the law would make them guilty of charge. For example, in the Korean constitutional law, the fifteenth law states that all government officials including teachers must remain neutral on the political issues and advocating to specific parties. If one does not follow it, one would be charged to pay more than three thousand dollars or sent to jail for less than two years. Thus, by announcing their own thoughts to the youth, teachers are crossing the important line in the law, letting them to get be in trouble; It would be wise for them to not take such actions to protect themselves. In conclusion, all students should not hear their teachers' idea on social and political issues in the classes. As students are not fully capable of devising their own thoughts, it is possible that they might easily end up being impacted by their teachers. Moreover, expressing such thoughts is an action that is against the law and should be prohibited for the teachers to do it. Therefore, it is necessary for the teachers of societal studies and politics to thoroughly find their ways to not not to show off their opinions but guide the young to create their own.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | Score | Fair 18-23 |
- 인트로에서 언급된 lectures 란 무엇을 가르키고 있나요?
- body의 내용은 어느정도 명확하게 드러나있는 반면 인트로 부분에서의 요약이 충분히 서술되지 않아 다소 명료하게 느껴지지 못하였습니다. 인트로의 보완이 필요합니다. - 다소 명확하지 않은 내용은 바디에도 있습니다. 주장에서 부터 '선생님의 정치적 견해가 아이들에게 어떠어떠한 점(자신의 주장)으로 인해 해롭다'라는 내용을 분명하게 비추셔야 합니다.
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