▶ Your Answer :
There are different opinions among many people regarding whether develop
the development of technology has a positive
effective on humans’ life. It is generally accepted fact that the earth is increasingly
polluted by develop the development of
technology. (Not essential, bit negative) However,
I strongly believe that technology had made humans’ life better than the past.
In this essay, I will present a couple of rationales to support my opinion in
detail. First of
all, smart phone is released 5 years ago. (Not enough
for topic sentence) Right after all of the people bought the smart phone
in Korea. (Incomplete sentence)They can do
everything by using it such as shopping, communicating and surfing. In addition to this, they can save time and don’t need to use computer
for I mentioned above. (Avoid using many logics
in one body) Their life is definitely become more convenient than
the past. Although practical communication is increasingly reduced, they can
communicate with various people who apart from them. Moreover, cars are invented in 1960s. (Not enough
for topic sentence) People ride horse to go
move far distance at that time. However, after the cars had
invented, they could easily go any places and even
further move even far distance. However, there is a problem like
environment pollution. For example, global warming is a serious problem in the
world. The cars release
harmful chemical such as methane, carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. bad
ingredients as the car moves. As a result, CO2 makes air dirty bad. Nevertheless,
it is a fact that technology developments make a place better.
In the conclusion, I agree with the statement
that technology has important role to make the
world convenient on account of the reasons that I mentioned above
채점기준표
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Grammar
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Contents
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Example
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Coherence
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점수
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2
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3
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2
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3
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Score
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Limited 17-19
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틀린 그래머 사용과 어색한 구문의 문장들이 많이 보이는 편이에요. Is, become 등 동사의 중복사용은 피해주셔야 합니다. 또한 topic sentence를 전부 사실 서술로만 작성하셨는데 가장 맨 앞에 나오는 logic은 자신의 주장이 담겨져 있어야 truly topic sentence라고 말할 수 있습니다. Agree or
disagree 선택형 에세이에는 자신의 두 가지 이유를 명료하게 명시해주셔야 합니다.
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