▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that governments should spend money on developing Internet access. However, in my opinion, it is more essential for the governments to invest money in improving public transportation. There are two reasons why I believe this way. First of all, the Internet networks have been primarily run by telecommunication companies. (So that?) Second, traffic congestion is getting severe as the population of big cities increases greatly. To begin with, most of the Internet networks are administrated by big corporations, therefore, the governments should play insignificant role in Internet system. (Why's that?) Moreover, it is better for the companies to undertake the development of the Internet access because the efficiency of the development will be facilitated as a result of the competition among them. For example, there was a statistic conducted by Korean Internet Association. Three major conglomerates owned almost 80% of the Internet networks business in Korea. They invested a huge amount of money to improve the quality of Internet environment in order to exceed their rivals. As a result, they made enormous progress in the industry. In this sense, I think the governments have no need to invest money on Internet industry. On top of that, the more people have been concentrated in metropolis due to job opportunities, the worser traffic jam there have been happened as the society has been bigger. Thus, it is important for the governments to augment the number of transportations. On the other hand, the Internet access is already enough fast and accessible because of the technological development. According to Korean Herald, the number of car in big cities increased 30% more than ten years ago. However, the Internet speed had been faster during the same period in spite of the increase of smart phone uses. Moreover, people will be able to access the internet wherever they go with through smartphones. This measures clearly showed that making public transportation better is more urgent than the improvement of Internet access. To sum up, the companies have much more responsibilities for the Internet industry than the governments. (Unnecessary) Also, resolving a traffic congestion issue is more imperative problems than better developing Internet access. In this regard, I think the government should more focus on the improvement of public transportation rather than that of Internet access.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 2 | Score | Fair 15-18 | - 첫 번째 주장은 왜 정부가 대중교통 발전사업에 관여를 해야하는가에 대하여 주장이 밝혀지지 않았습니다.
- 예시를 작성하실 때에도, 대중교통 산업의 발전이 왜 urgent한지에 대해 포인트를 잡아 서술해주시는 것이 중요합니다. - 그래머 어법과 단수 복수 형태의 쓰임이 다소 미흡합니다.
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